In her excellent book Pleasure Activism, Adrienne Maree Brown outlines four different approaches to period sex:
Team Bloody Awesome
The people who get it, they know how to treat you during your time of the month and they know how to make love to you while you’re on it.
Team Bloody Fetish
Lovingly referred to as “Vampires”, these are the people who LOVE intercourse during the menstrual cycle… period blood be damned.
Team Bloody Skittish
These people don’t have enthusiasm but they don’t necessarily run the other way either.
Team Bloody Faint
“These lovers wish that God had not smote the vagina with an affliction as dyer and traumatic as monthly bleeding.”
For these guys, penetrative sex with the vagina is a no-go. I can’t say it much better than her.
There are MANY different opinions on period sex, and I am of the opinion that… YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE HAVING IT!
Listen. People have periods. That’s usually one-quarter of all the time. I have a period about one quarter of my whole life. That’s twenty-five percent of my life! Avoiding sex because fear of menstrual blood is basically like saying “I’m cool with never having sex for 25 percent of my whole life.”
That’s too much precious time that you could be getting it on, and I’m here to tell you exactly how to keep things hot during that time of the month.
Why You Should Be Having Period Sex
- It decreases period cramps and
- Improves mood. (hello oxytocin!)
Need I say more?
These are CLEARLY smash-hit benefits for the person on their period, but what about YOU – the person having sex with the person having the period?
Believe it or not, intercourse during this time can be awesome for you too! It can open up all new channels for sexual activity, you’ve got this thing happening that acts as built-in lubricant, her body is more sensitive, her nipples are more sensitive, she might be going through a different phase of sensitivity! There’s a lot of opportunity for you to explore, enjoy, and get into period sex if you know how to do it correctly.
What You Should Keep in Mind Before Having Period Sex
Increased risk of STIs during Unprotected Sex
Blood transfers sexually transmitted infections, and if she’s on a heavy period, there could be a lot of menstrual blood. Make sure that the two of you are using condoms, dental dams, or SOME kind of barrier to ensure that you don’t increase the chance of you coming into contact with blood.
She can still get pregnant
We can still get knocked up during our periods, so watch out! Even though there’s a lower chance of getting pregnant than say, during ovulation, there is nonetheless still a risk. Period sex is not a free pass, so be sure to keep this in mind and use a condom during penetration.
Needs and preferences change for the person on their period
As with all great sex, good period sex starts with a conversation. You need to discuss with your partner what her specific needs, wants, and desires are. Ask her what’s goin’ on down there! Are her periods really heavy and there’s going to be a lot more discomfort and menstrual cramps? Or is her flow really light and you might not even notice that a period is happening at all? This is only information that she will be able to provide.
Starting out with a conversation clarifies where she is and what she wants, and can be exorbitantly helpful.
During that conversation, ask her if there are parts of her body that she does or doesn’t want touched. For a lot of women, their lower back becomes really sensitive because of cramping that occurs in their uterus. For other women, the nipples and breasts can become really sensitive. For SOME women, this means they LIKE having their boobs grabbed and fondled and that you can be more aggressive than usual. For other women, it means being more tender, soft, and delicate — using a lighter touch.
There’s only ONE way to find out: by asking her!
After discovering her needs and wants during this time, you have something else to do.
You must give her permission to be messy!
How to End Period Shame So She Can Feel Confident In Bed
The number one thing that I myself have experienced when it comes to period sex is that periods are SO surrounded in shame.
You might even be reading this right now and thinking “There is NO WAY I’m having period sex, that is DISGUSTING! Women are dirty when they’re having their periods!”
This is some nonsense, man! This is old ways of thinking! I want you to recognize that women are not unclean or dirty while they’re on their periods. There’s nothing wrong with them while they’re on their periods. THIS IS THE BLOOD THAT MAKES LIFE! THIS IS HOW ALL OF US COME INTO THE WORLD! It’s some deep shit, and it’s not bad, dirty, or disgusting.
You sitting her down before sex and saying “Hey. I’m okay with whatever happens. I’m okay if menstrual fluid gets on me. I recognize what I’m about to get into and I’m a big HELL YES to having penetrative sex when you are menstruating.”
That means the whole world to us, guys! It means SO much for a partner to say it’s okay!
It’s good to say “It’s okay, I get it. I’m here for you, I want to please you. I don’t care if I get a little bloody along the way.”
I cannot overstate this, gentlemen! You can erase decades of shame by just saying a couple words that are really heartfelt and meaningful to make her know its OKAY to be her natural self during this time.
How Do You Set the Scene for Great Period Sex?
Don’t have the nice sheets on the bed OR white sheets on the bed!
If you got some burner sheets, put those out! Use the old, tattered sheets! If her flow is too heavy, you can throw a towel down or you can invest in a Liberator Matt… these matts are black, absorbent, and water-proof so that no liquid can get down into the bed. Put that down first. THIS way, the messiness of period sex won’t be a distraction for you during this red-hot encounter! ;D
If either one of you is squeamish about seeing blood, turn the lights way down low and keep tissues on hand.
This is a great opportunity for you to break out a couple candles and go to town in the dark! In addition, having a washcloth or baby wipes nearby can be really helpful in case of leaks.
Also, consider shower sex to reduce mess!
Give yourself whatever you need to relax and get into the moment. Having these things nearby you means you don’t have to pause, get up, and walk away in order to get the things you need to feel your best.
Check in with your partner after sex!
She is in a vulnerable state. She’s on her period, which means her hormones are going nuts, she might be experiencing bloating, she might feel bigger or less attractive. For example, when I’m on my period, my face always breaks out and I get tons of acne. Not my best look.
This is the perfect time to hold her, hug her close, and tell her how much she means to you! Let her know how special an experience that was! Thank her for connecting with you during this vulnerable time.
I don’t mean to overplay it, but dudes, this is really important. If she’s not feeling vulnerable, she’ll let you know by saying “alright cool it was fine, good for me, thanks”. But if she IS feeling vulnerable, this will mean a WHOLE LOT!
Ways to Make Period Sex Extra Hot
Most women report that they would prefer their male partners to move slower when it comes to sex in general. Since her whole body is moving slowly right now and since everything is a little more sensitive, it’s a great opportunity for you to move slower – with greater intention throughout the entire experience. Nothing will turn her on more.
You might even want to stick to positions such as missionary to prevent things from slapping around and splashing and sloshing!
Guys, this is the time to turn up the romance. Get into a love-making, connecting, face-to-face, slow-moving, slow-kiss… this is the best opportunity for you to gently squeeze her breasts and to get into a love-making position.
Speaking of going slow, period sex sometimes means having to last longer in bed. It can take a woman anywhere from 20 to 45 minutes to reach orgasm, so don’t be afraid to move slowly and take control over when you ejaculate. Need some help with premature ejaculation? Check out my Come When You Want Masterclass: my step-by-step video course that teaches you EXACTLY how to regain control over your ejaculation so you can last long enough to give her the pleasure she deserves.
Become A Better Lover. Work with a Sex Coach.
To recap: you should absolutely not shy away from period sex! It has tons of benefits! Forget leaving sex up to only dry weeks! Period sex feels good, reduces cramps, and boosts mood. And you can use it as a golden opportunity to spice up your sex life a bit by changing things up.
Sex is such a huge part of our relationships – and our lives – that it makes sense to put effort into it. After all, a better sex life leads to a better LIFE! If you’re experiencing some kind of rut in the bedroom – whether it’s related to premature ejaculation, wanting to pleasure your partner, or having erectile dysfunction issues, I want you to come talk to me! I’ve helped thousands of couples achieve better, healthier sex lives. Drop me a line by applying to work with me here!