One of the major causes of premature ejaculation and sexual dysfunction is sexual performance anxiety.
Performance anxiety: the fear that many men experience around sex with their partner.
But what causes performance anxiety?
There are a whole bunch, but there’s one that most men don’t immediately think about, but it still always lurking in the back of their minds. It’s that troll on your shoulder when you’re trying to have sexual intercourse. It’s whispering, “Don’t get her pregnant!”
If you are like most men, you have been told for your WHOLE life:
“Watch out! Don’t get her pregnant!”
“If you get her pregnant, you will RUIN that girl’s life.”
“Don’t get girls in trouble.”
“If you get a woman pregnant, your life is OVER.”
That’s going to cause a lot of anxiety around sexual activity, right? And rightfully so!
If you hear that, you might think that unprotected sex is a one-way ticket to STDs, pregnancy, and trouble. I don’t care how confident you are in other aspects of your life – getting a woman pregnant is one of the most common fears men experience.
In fact, I worked with someone whose entire performance anxiety (that manifested as erectile dysfunction) was caused by a pregnancy scare that he had at the end of college. He came from a religious household and so did she. He was TERRIFIED that he had gotten her pregnant. It turns out that she wasn’t pregnant. But just the fear itself caused him to still experience performance anxiety ten, fifteen years later. That’s a lot. That’s a lot of pressure.
Whose Responsibility is Birth Control?
I’m going to give you exactly what you need to know in order to free your mind and conscious of all that guilt and fear. It’s too much to take. It’s unnecessary. All you need is a little bit of information.
But first, let’s get something fundamental out of the way. You are responsible for birth control. You are responsible for preventing an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy. It is not just her responsibility.
Just because she’s the one that can get pregnant – guess what guys – it’s YOUR ejaculation that causes us to get pregnant. Without that, there’s no pregnancy. This is a shared responsibility. It is the 21st century and we are BOTH responsible for preventing unplanned pregnancies.
Becoming a Better Lover With Birth Control
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I want to share another really cool fundamental truth.
Communicating about the right birth control methods will bring you closer together.
Letting her know that you’re interested in contraception – that you’re taking a vested interest — is going to bring you closer. It’s a vulnerable conversation, it can be a scary conversation, but it always works out to benefit your relationship.
One more truth: the less you know, the scarier things feel, and the worse off your sex life will be. When you’re facing something that’s big and scary that you don’t know much about, you don’t feel very empowered or confident.
The more information you have, the more confident you can be, the better lover you can be, the less premature ejaculation is going to be a problem, and the more you can have stamina to be the lover you want to be.
Learning about birth control makes you a better lover, improves your relationship, and makes your woman feel more cared about and loved. That’s a win win win!
How to Dispel Anxieties About Birth Control Options: Familiarize Yourself
I’m not going to go too deep into it here because there are TONS of great resources out there. Go read online about different types of birth control. There are great websites, including PlannedParenthood.org.
If you’re in college, you can also hit up your university health center.
The major forms of birth control methods include barriers such as condoms, hormonal such as the oral contraceptive pill or the hormonal IUD, implantable devices such as the copper IUD – there are so many options out there.
There are more permanent options as well such as vasectomies or tubal ligations that will leave you incapable of fathering or conceiving a child.
If you’re younger, permanent solutions may not be available to you, so I’m going to focus on condoms and hormonal contraception, the skin patch, as those are options most available to you.
Prevent Pregnancy the Easiest and Most Effective Way Possible.
After you’re familiar with the different types of birth control, start a conversation with your partner and ask her what kinds of birth control she wants to use. What is she already using? Maybe the two of you are already using condoms. Condoms are great but with human error they’re only about 85% effective, so you want to back them up with another form of birth control.
The most popular form of birth control? The birth control pill. It’s so ubiquitous that it literally got the name “THE PILL.”
Hormonal birth control is awesome. I was on the pill myself for ten years between the ages of 16 and 26 before switching to the IUD. Hormonal birth control is an awesome option for most women. One of the cool things about hormonal birth control? It is now available through online subscriptions, such as Nurx.
Nurx offers all different types of birth control. You can go to their website, pick out the forms of birth control you want (You can even get a doctor to help you figure out the best type for you!) They can bill your insurance – and often hormonal birth control comes out to $0.00 per month.
Zero dollars. To avoid pregnancy. Pretty freaking sweet, if you ask me.
Get birth control in the mail today by going to getnurx.co/Caitlin.
If you are not insured, Nurx can start at $15 a month, which is incredible. Sometimes birth control can cost as much as $50 a month, so I highly recommend that you check them out.
You shouldn’t have to go to the doctor every month or every three months. You shouldn’t have to take time out of your day and out of your life in order to get birth control.
It should be easier than that. It’s one of the safest medications, and now with Nurx, you can get it delivered to your door.
Help Your Woman in a Way That Feels Right to You.
So how can a man help his woman in the birth control department? You can offer to help by reminding her to take her pill or by offering to pay half or all of her birth control costs.
Even if it’s just $15 a month, that’s still money you can be helping her with.
If you’re not using hormonal birth control, be the one who is responsible for keeping condoms around. Go to the store, get condoms, put them in her apartment, your apartment, wherever you’ll need them. Take some form of responsibility so she’s not shouldering all the weight of birth control.
This is going to make you feel better as well. You’re taking charge! You’re demonstrating leadership and being the man in a strong and powerful way that lets her know that you care.
THE 5 MAGIC WORDS THAT MAKE BIRTH CONTROL & CONTRACEPTION A LITTLE SEXIER
“This matters to me too.”
Men – if you want to know the secret sauce to helping women feel safe, to helping them reach orgasm, to making them want to have sex with you – “This matters to me too” lets her know that you’re there, that you care, that you take responsibility for sexual health and contraception, and that you’re a man and not a boy.
I can’t think of something sexier to say.
Even if she’s like “Nah man I got this figured out,” just hearing those words is like liquid arousal sexy honey gold to a woman’s EARS. Take initiative. Sign up for Nurx. Prevent pregnancy scares. Have riotious, amazing sex without the fear.
Get birth control in the mail today by going to getnurx.co/Caitlin.
Gain Confidence and Last Longer in Bed.
If you’re looking for ways to become more confident in the sack, Come When You Want is my step-by-step guide to lasting longer in bed, experiencing ejaculatory control, and developing unshakeable confidence. It delivers many of the same tools I use in one on one coaching but in a video format you can access from your phone or computer. Check it out!
If you’re looking for personal, one-on-one guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out. You can apply to work with me today by clicking here. I’ve helped thousands of men just like you. Let’s work together to cure premature ejaculation in 90 days or less.