It seems like all men have the same goal between the sheets:
Last longer than last time.
Move the goal post. Aim higher. Keep that joystick so hard that “the party don’t stop ’till 8 in the mornin’!”
But since when did sex because a race against the stopwatch like a sporting event?
It’s no wonder this causes so much stress.
If we started the stopwatch when the penis went into the vagina, the average sexual encounter would last…. 7 minutes.
And we all know it takes women twice as long to get warmed up enough to enjoy sex… and reach the elusive female orgasm.
That’s why it’s time to get real. In this article, I reveal exactly how long sex needs to last to be pleasurable for her… and to take some of the pressure off.
I promise you, its:
- not as long as you think, and
- there’s one thing that’s WAY more important than duration.
So before you start treating sex like a potato sack race, know that watching the clock isn’t exactly seductive. There are more important things at play.
How long do women want sex to last?
As a sex coach who specializes a lot in premature ejaculation, I have worked with men who want to be able to last 20, 30, 60 minutes, a hundred hours in bed and I totally get it. But let’s not forget who’s on the receiving end of all of that thrusting.
For those of you who struggle to get past the five or the six or the seven minute mark, you can totally relax.
One out of every three guys experiences premature ejaculation, meaning that he ejaculates before he and his partner want him to, some, most or all of the time.
If that is you, please do not fret because we have the sort of cultural story that sex should last for a super long time.
We have a narrative that says women just want to be pounded for hours. How many places have you seen the term “go all night”, as if sex should last all night?
I think it’s a little bit unrealistic.
But there’s one thing we do know: the average woman needs 20 minutes to get aroused.
So, how long should the sex last?
Consider 20 minutes the START of any sexual encounter. The ideal sexual encounter should be:
- 20 minutes of foreplay
- 20 minutes of actual penetration
- 20 minutes of cuteness and cuddling before you fall asleep or call a cab or go home.
Therefore, I am suggesting that sex should last about an hour from start to finish.
What if sex takes too long?
You may be thinking, “That’s a lot of time, Caitlin. I have kids, I have a job, I have to wake up at 6 AM in the morning or I just finally got into bed and you’re talking about taking a whole hour from sleep that I really, really, really need.”
When it comes to sex, especially inside of a relationship, my recommendation is that you go for quality, not quantity.
So if you were having sex twice a week for 10 or 15 minutes and you can bring that down to one time a week but have sex for an hour, I can guarantee you will have a better sexual experience overall.
Because let’s face it… it takes some time to shed the many coats of armor we wear as a person throughout the day: as a parent, an employee, a boss… take all that off and get down to your basic self — a sexual being.
Ultimately, it’s up to you and your partner.
As a sex coach, I suggest booking an hour, and using the first half devoted JUST to foreplay. This is the ideal way to achieve powerful orgasmic pleasure.
But ultimately, it’s up to you and your partner to determine the best duration for you.
Personally, I am really quick to orgasm. I can go from zero to a hundred, really, really fast. It takes me almost no time at all. I used to time myself when I was younger, like when I was in high school. I would see how quickly, if I could get there in under a minute and I would just like race towards the finish line. Even though I’m multi-orgasmic, if I have my first orgasm within say, like five minutes of penetration and then I may have a second and a third, like by the 10 or the 15 minute mark of sex, I may be done.
And then, I’m good. I don’t need or want sex anymore.
The only person who knows how long an ideal sexual encounter is, is the person who you are having sex with.
Ultimately, I want you to have control over your premature ejaculation because sometimes an hour is the right length of time.
Of course, sometimes you just want to have a quickie and you want to be in control of that quickie. So overcoming premature ejaculation is less about being able to go all night and more about being able to control when you go.
This is why I created my course, Come When You Want. This is a start to finish guide for men on ending their premature ejaculation and lasting as long as they want in bed. I made it for both guys without partners and guys who are currently with partners. So yes, it’s single men and married men and old and young and every other different kind of men. You absolutely can benefit from what I teach in this course, which includes a bunch of techniques like the arousal spectrum, the five, four, three, two, one technique, the body scan technique, ton of different breathing techniques.
All of which you can use to control when you ejaculate and that could be an hour, two hours after a full day on a Saturday, after a one week Hawaiian vacation. I don’t care. I just want you to come when you want. I’m here to let you know and hopefully ease your nervous system by telling you that the perfect time for you to come is the time that you both agree is right for you.