If you’re working on curing your premature ejaculation (PE) and suddenly symptoms of erectile dysfunction (ED) start cropping up during intercourse… what do you do, what the hell is going on, and how can you fix it?
Fear not! I am here with answers, hope, and optimism! (And, of course, INFORMATION on any and all sexual dysfunction!)
This happens all the time. This side effect is so common, in fact, that it’s almost a rite of passage.
At one point during our work together, a lot of my clients will experience some loss in erectile function and struggle with maintaining an erection during sexual activity.
Erectile Dysfunction: A Sign of Progress Against Premature Ejaculation?
Usually, my PE clients will be making the most AMAZING progress and are finally able to enjoy sexual intercourse without rapid ejaculation. They’ll be doing great – lasting longer in bed, coming when they want – and then suddenly, in week 5 or 6, they start noticing that their erections get soft after about 20 minutes.
It can be scary! I get a frantic call.
“Caitlin!” they say, “No hi I’m good, how are you? Okay LISTEN! I was masturbating last night and suddenly I started to lose erectile function.”
Me: “You started to go soft?”
Them: “Yeah! I was at the 20-minute mark and all of a sudden I lost half of my erection!”
Me: “Okay, is this the first time this has happened?”
Them: “Yes and it can never happen again because my erection is the single most important thing and this must mean that I’m going to LOSE my erection and that I’m going to have erectile dysfunction for the rest of my life and I’m only 40 years old! What the hell do I do! Should I see a Urologist?”
Me: “Don’t panic!”
Them: “I’M ALREADY PANICKED!”
Me: “Don’t panic. It’s okay. I got you!”
I’m not playing, that’s literally how the conversation goes. And I get it! The strength of your erection is very closely tied to your sexual performance, and when you’re working with me, you’re trying to cure PE because your sexual performance is important to you.
The reason I beg you not to freak out is because this is normal. This happens when sex therapy starts to work. Hardness comes back!
Actually, it doesn’t just come back, it’s never been there before.
Think about it. You’ve never been able to last for 20 minutes before! Your body doesn’t even know how to be aroused and how to be hard for 20 minutes. That’s never happened!
The good news: Your body can figure out the new order of things.
How do you prevent Erectile Dysfunction from happening?
So what’s ACTUALLY going on? How can we prevent this from happening? How do we prevent this from ruining intercourse in the here and now?
Your body is changing. This is not a bad sign at all. This is actually a good sign. It means your body is changing the way that it experiences arousal, that it experiences sexual stimulation, and how it reaches orgasm and ejaculation.Your erectile function system is changing! It’s rewiring!
You WILL experience some changes that don’t immediately cause pleasure and joy. This can sometimes cause concern, but keep one thing in mind: this is not permanent. It’s not like you’re never going to be able to get hard and stay hard ever again!
While your body is rewiring, it comes across new challenges. It comes across ways to get excited and aroused that it never has before! Let’s not forget to celebrate that you’re lasting long enough for this to even be a problem!
In a nutshell, it’s not true impotence. You don’t need viagra or a shot of testosterone. Your blood flow just needs to catch up.
ED Means You’re Conquering PE!
Before, when you were having performance anxiety and lasting for just two or three minutes before ejaculation and not even getting to the point of penetration, you didn’t even know this was a challenge.
The fact that you’re suffering from this means that you’re no longer suffering from premature ejaculation!
When you were having sex with your wife or girlfriend you never had to figure out how to last or what aroused you. You never got a chance to dive into the juicy questions: “Why does that turn me on?” “What if we do this?” “What if I let her dominate me?” “What if I sweet talk her” “What if I touch her like this?”
You were never lasting long enough for these to even be a consideration!
And now, maybe at the age of 30 or 40 or 50 or 60, you’re finally able to ask those questions with your sexual partner. This is a good thing! You get to be creative! You get to create the sex life of your dreams – a sex life that is super exciting to you, full of foreplay and sexual desire. HUZZAH! YES! Congratulations! Now you get to play with the whole delicious buffet!
The more you freak out, the worse your sexual function gets.
It seems that the common male believes their erection is caused by brute force: by WILLING it to happen and thinking about it and pushing it up through the sheer force of sexual arousal. But that’s not how erections work at all!
I highly recommend that you spend a little bit of time googling how erections literally work: what the physical mechanism is that’s working in your body.
Basically, your body relaxes, it allows blood to flow into the penis, where it gets trapped there, creating pressure, and inflating and making the penis hard. That’s all! Did you notice that I said the word “relaxation”?
Erections happen because you were relaxed enough for blood to enter your penis, not because you forced blood into your penis. So when you freak out because you’re losing your erection, that stress is going to make your boner go away faster instead of bringing it back.
Freaking out is an erection killer.
What Should You Do About Soft Erections?
This sexual dysfunction is causing you a lot of distress. What can you do to get past this?
– Be patient.
Be patient! You’ve been masturbating/having sex this way for 20, 30, 35 years! You change the way you masturbate for maybe 20 days, and then you expect all that sexual history to be erased in your body?
Listen – change is a process. You have to give your body time to adjust to your newfound treatment of PE.
Now, if you’ve been having this problem for over a month or so, you might need to change how you’re practicing and masturbating.
Sometimes a practice might feel like a lot of work, and when something feels like a lot of work, it’s not as arousing or fun anymore. And when you get turned off, you lose your erection.
Use the same relaxation techniques I’ve taught you in some of my YouTube videos in order to deal with your premature ejaculation. Relaxation works, not only at curing PE but also at bringing back your erection when you’re started to go soft.
– Stop masturbating and start again tomorrow.
Your body is not used to sustaining erections. That’s okay! Keep in mind that not all masturbation sessions have to end in ejaculation. You could say, “you know what, I’m going to end it here. If I were having sex with my woman we already would have been having sex for 20 minutes. I’m just going to stop and pick up again tomorrow.” This is not a bad practice if you’re trying to last longer in bed!
– Remember your goals.
Why IS it that you want to last longer in bed? Why IS it that you want to cure your premature ejaculation? Is it because you want to last long enough to give your partner an orgasm through penetration?
If you’re lasting 20 minutes before you start to get a soft erection, that IS enough time to give her an orgasm. You’ve hit the climax goal!
Remind yourself why you’re doing this to begin with. You weren’t curing your PE so you could slay dragons with your cock after 90 minutes.
You were doing it so you could last long enough to make sex pleasurable and so you can feel confident and enjoy sexual satisfaction.
While I understand that erection strength is part of confidence, you don’t need to keep pushing further and further and become a sex god if you’ve already hit your goal. And guess what? The real way to becoming a sex god is by being a better lover. That’s it!
You don’t need to have a monster-hard erection. You’ve mastered your goal, and now you can work on relaxation techniques and figuring out what really turns you on.
Half the time, it’s about “I’ve never had to figure out how to maintain a penile erection for 20 minutes before with my wife of 15 years. How do I actually get and maintain and stay aroused after I’ve stopped worrying that I’m going to ejaculate sooner than I wanted to?” Maybe you want to get kinky in your sexual relationship. Maybe you want to have some tantra mind/body slow/sacred sex. Maybe you want to try some different and fun sexual practices such as pegging or a threeway!
Erectile Dysfunction After Curing Premature Ejaculation: No Cause for Panic.
If you put in the work with me to end your premature ejaculation and you find yourself losing your erection, DO NOT PANIC! This is indicative of your body succeeding at improving its sexual behavior and systems. So congratulations! Don’t worry – it’s not going to last forever. Instead, it’s going to give you an opportunity to explore what turns you on so you can enjoy an amazing sex life.
It doesn’t make you abnormal – it makes you normal, AND it opens up a world of opportunity.
And by the way, congratulations on no longer suffering from premature ejaculation! You win! You did it! This is amazing! And now you get to do some other work on figuring out what works for you.
Work With Me: Coaching to Make The Sex Life of Your Dreams a Reality
If you’re still struggling with premature ejaculation, or if you feel like you need help overcoming erectile dysfunction, don’t be shy! Apply for a free discovery call with me so we can work together to achieve the sex life of your dreams.
Whether you’re single, partnered, suffering from premature ejaculation or anything else, drop me a line for a better sex life.
My Come When You Want Method for curing premature ejaculation has had such a high success rate, that I turned my knowledge into a Masterclass. Come When You Want is my step-by-step guide to lasting longer in bed, experiencing ejaculatory control, and developing unshakable confidence. It delivers many of the same tools I use in one on one coaching but in a video format you can access from your phone or computer. Check it out!