So you have a kink. First of all, congratulations. Sometimes allowing ourselves to admit we have a sexual curiosity can be difficult. But you’re already doing it!
Today I’m going to tell you how to get your partner to do all the kinky stuff your horny little heart desires. But more than that, I’m going to show you how your kinky curiosities can be a beneficial way to transform your stuffy relationship into a strong partnership based on trust, open communication, and vulnerability.
If making her squirt is part of your kink, you need to check out my my famous Female Ejaculation Blueprint method that gives her an uncontrollable urge to squirt. With a full-body squirting orgasm, your woman’s entire body will tremble, and even if she’s casually dating you, she’ll want you for the long haul.
And also hot kinky sex!
The Low-Down on Kink
Here’s the thing: the definition of kink is anything that is a physical or psychological taboo to you. We all have different thresholds between what’s “normal” and what’s taboo.
So, for example, if you are in a very evangelical relationship where you only ever do missionary, maybe it’s taboo to you to think about doggy style. Or anal. Or having your hair tugged.
Or, maybe you’ve done all that and your kink is a little more extreme. Maybe it’s verbal play, BDSM, roleplay, blindfolds, feet, whips, nipple torture, watersports, or pegging (PS I have a video about the DEEP joys of pegging. Check it out and get your mind and prostate blown!).
Bottom line: There are bajillions of kinks out there and as long as you’re participating in them with complete consent AND open communication, it’s totally okay to explore them!
How to Tell Her
The problem is, you’re not sure your partner will be into it. OR you’re worried about her judging you if you bring it up. Here’s how you approach it.
DO: Be open and honest about your curiosity before you get naked with your partner. Your kink should absolutely be discussed beforehand so you can create boundaries and guardrails for it together.
DO NOT: Surprise someone with your kink in the middle of sex. In the heat of passion, power dynamics and consent can get fuzzy and she might feel pressure to comply. Yes, part of the natural rhythms of sex is exploration. But, there’s a huge difference between discovering the erogenous parts of each other’s bodies and, say, initiating sex and then halfway through whipping out a box of dildos and ball gags and handcuffs and being like surprise!
DO: Give context to your kink! Try to elucidate why it’s a curiosity you have and why it’s important to you to explore. This can be extremely helpful to getting your partner on board to try it at least once. But, if she still is uncomfortable after your explanation and doesn’t want to try it, that’s okay.
DO NOT: Insert your kink in some sort of ultimatum. For example, you telling her “If you don’t let me suck your feet I won’t go down on you, or clearly you don’t love me if you don’t let me pee on you.” That is emotional blackmail and not fair to your partner.
DO: Consider the possibility of exploring your kink outside your relationship. Perhaps by opening up the kink conversation you’ll discover it’s best for each of you to explore your kinks in other ways, outside the relationship. And that’s okay!
I know lots of couples where one or both of the couple go to kink parties to explore. Or, have outside sexual partners for the purpose of exploring those kinky inclinations.
Last But Not Least
DO NOT: Shame her for not wanting to try your kink! Just as we shouldn’t kink shame our partners, we shouldn’t shame our partners for preferring more vanilla sex. Everyone is different! And, it’s totally normal that the person you love and adore and want to spend the rest of your life may not actually 100% align with your sexual needs 100% of the time. We all grow and change as sexual beings at different rates.
If you approach the conversation with an open mind and zero expectations, this allows your partner to open up about what she’s curious about and then—oh wow!—you suddenly understand each other sexually on a deeper level! You’re better able to reach a common ground and better able to integrate these kinks in your regular sex routine.