Chances are, you have experienced EXACTLY what I’m about to describe: that look in her eyes that says “you are garbage and I don’t respect you.” Perhaps you know how crappy that makes you feel.
In fact, these moments feel like a broken heart.
In this article, I’ll show you the most important secrets to getting respect from your wife or girlfriend, how to tell if you’ve lost that respect, and how to repair your relationship.
The Number One Complaint From Married Men
Feeling respected as a man is extremely important to relationship outcomes.
But if you have no idea if you’re being disrespected in the first place, you’ll never learn how to command the respect you need.
In fact, “not being respected” is the number one complaint from married men, and this is a sign divorce may be on the horizon. It’s an indication that something needs to be repaired in the relationship.
7 Signs Your Relationship Needs Repair
These are the signs you’ve lost respect from your wife or girlfriend… and something needs to change.
Sign #1: Contempt.
Contempt is disdain. It’s when she acts mean. She acts like you’re beneath her… not worth her time.
Sign #2: She criticizes you
You can never do anything right. She always has to be in control, and worse, you start to believe negative things about yourself: that you’re stupid, you’re selfish — things you know not to be true.
Sign #3: She’s defensive.
She can never admit to making a mistake, she can do no wrong. She doesn’t apologize because she can’t admit wrongdoing. She doesn’t listen when you have an issue.
Sign #4: She lies or omits information
If she’s keeping you out of the loop and not bothering with honesty, she’s not prioritizing you or respecting you.
Sign #5: She no longer accepts your influence or includes you in decisions
Almost as if she doesn’t think your opinion matters.
Sign #6: You always feel like you’re under attack.
She laughs at you and makes fun of you, she calls you names, she rolls her eyes, insults you, belittles or humiliates you… all sure signs of disrespect.
Sign #7: You feel about 2 inches tall.
She makes you feel small and meaningless inside your own relationship and home.
If some of these sound like your relationship, listen up.
This means you have been hit in the confidence, you have lost your power, and essentially, you have been neutered. Your manliness has been taken away.
This is the lowest quality of life for a man.
So how do you turn this around?
Because listen — you can’t force anyone to treat you with respect. You have to earn it.
How to Gain Back Respect in Your Relationship
If you do the 10 things that will cause your wife to respect you, then SHE WILL RESPECT YOU! She will find you worthy, high-value, and chances are, others will too.
1. Respect yourself.
The way we treat ourselves is the way we invite others to treat us.
Take good care of yourself, your health, your emotional and physical wellbeing. Show yourself — and others — that you are worthy of care.
2. Treat others with respect.
Foster an ENVIRONMENT of respect, of listening, of caring for others. Set the tone in your own home and in your own space.
Model through your behavior how you want to be treated.
Being respectful of others does not mean being a doormat. Sometimes respecting others means being fierce — being fiercely compassionate — and holding others to a high standard.
3. Share credit and quit blaming.
If you take credit for things you didn’t do, you’ll only piss people off and lose credibility. And if you point fingers and put the blame on others, you’ll look weak and emotionally reactive.
4. Carry your own weight.
Do your share of the work. Pitch in. Look for — and identify — areas in your home and workplace that might need your support. A man that carries his own weight is not only worthy of trust, but also worthy of respect.
5. Take responsibility.
For yourself, your mistakes, your people, and your triumphs. But don’t apologize for everything little thing, especially that which is not your responsibility.
6. Empower others.
Empowering others is how to become a good leader. Good leaders do not lead by
- intimidation or fear tactics,
- or being an aggressive dick
- or being controlling or micromanaging.
This goes for work, and it also goes for how you lead at home.
7. Live by your values.
Living by your values means you have character — you have integrity — you LIVE by what you believe is right and not looking to anyone else to be your moral compass.
Most importantly, it means you say NO to the things that don’t align with your values and vision.
8. Have confidence.
Its not about feeling superior to others, and its not about about being arrogant — it’s about feeling sure of yourself and your abilities.
It’s about not LIVING by what other people say or think about you — and being sure about the truth you know about yourself.
9. Quit being a martyr.
Otherwise known as “the nice guy” … who only lives relative to others, who is only nice because he needs something, and doesn’t have the power to get what he wants. He is a victim of his own life and circumstances and has no gratitude for what he has.
10. Study, learn from, and emulate the people you respect.
Before you take action, ask yourself, “What would [insert name of someone you respect] do in this situation?” Who are some of your heroes?
Think about it … the people you respect EARNED your respect through a serious of decisions and behaviors.
The importance of investing in yourself
Command respect by investing in yourself. Demonstrate YOU ARE WORTHY.
A lot of guys are used to investing in their homes or their kids and they’re used to being the ones SACRIFICING — coughing up the money for OTHERS — and they never give to themselves or invest in themselves.
Meanwhile, they’re in the dark, searching for a light, slowly choking to death from a lack of respect.
Don’t let this be you. INVEST in yourself. And a great way to invest in yourself is by joining the highly elite coaching program High Performance Male. I have assembled an incredible group of men who works on developing the exact qualities they need to be widely respected by everyone in their lives: to show up with confidence in the bedroom and boardroom.
Show her the love.
Now that you have invested in yourself and demonstrated that you’re worthy, the last and final thing you can do is … SHOW HER LOVE.
Women withhold respect when they don’t feel loved.
So, if you haven’t been showing love to her… theres no reason for her to act like she respects you.
Women need to feel loved in order to show respect — just as men need to feel respected in order to show love.
But don’t wait for her to go first. Take initiative … show her love and see what happens.
Because imagine how amazing it’s going to feel once you master the 10 behaviors above — to command respect and become a high-value man that others defer to, who your wife looks to for leadership, who she loves and honors.