How to Talk Dirty (Dirty Talk Formula)

Dirty talk is intimidating.

How do you go from “I would like to touch your breasts with my face” to being a swashbuckling dirty talk MASTER?

Too many of my clients have something lame they said to their woman that haunts their dreams.

One single sentence can destroy the mood, make her stop and laugh, or worse… turn her off completely. 

I’ve had hundreds of clients tell me, “She wants me to dirty talk, but I end up freezing up! What the hell am I supposed to say?” 

One of their wives actually said, “Bryan… that does NOT work for me.” 


That’s why I put together a FORMULA for the exact steps that will make you amazing at the fine art and science of dirty talk. 

By mastering this skill, you’ll take your sex life to a whole new level.

You’ll arrive on the frontier of new fantasies and ideas. You will bring her to her knees when you utter your nastiest, sexiest, dirtiest thoughts. 

Because you might not realize it, but there’s a high chance your woman is turned on by audible cues… moaning, grunting, and yes, dirty talk. 

Auditory stimulus – Ohh, la la

sexy whisper

Just like other people are turned on by visual stimulus, or kinesthetic stimulus (the touch of you or your lover’s hands on your body), other people are turned on by auditory stimulus — sounds, moans, grunts, and yes — the specific words that you use during sexual intercourse.

And if you and your partner – or lover, are social distancing, well, dirty talk is the best way for you to explore your sexual desires while staying safe.

Que the dirty talk!

Dirty talk is not always about the classic phrases “Ohh yess daddy” or the “give it to me harder!” moaning and grunting. It gives you the power to introduce new and novel ideas and erotica into your bedroom, and I’m going to teach you exactly how to do that and how to make your own rules of engagement so that your dirty talk feels safe, consensual, sexy, and fun.

Oh, and so that you can introduce new and kinky ideas or fantasies without having to worry about turning off your woman or completely ruining the mood.

Because that’s the scariest part of dirty talk: what if you say something that destroys the mood?

I got you.

More Sexting Please 🍆

woman sexting

Dirty talk is a little bit of science… and a little bit of art.

Leonardo da Vinci didn’t become one of the most famous artists in the world without a little practice. So, when it comes to sexting, don’t expect to be brilliant at it from day one.

A great way to practice: through sexy texting. Otherwise known as “sexting“.

Sexting can lead to more exciting and consensual sexual experiences. Therefore, texting or emailing or speaking where you’re not having eye-to-eye contact in the same room sometimes allows us to play out our sexual scenarios and what you want to explore with them, definitely builds up the sexual tension for when you are able to finally be together, in person, leading to mind-blowing sex!

The Dirty Preparation

Ok, let’s get right into how to prepare for some nasty chat ;)

1. Do some dirty research

If this is your first time, or you are new to dirty talking, the first step to mastering your dirty talk is to start solo. Do some research and figure out what works for you.

The last thing you want to happen is you begin blabbering things that you don’t feel comfortable with — or worse, completely turns off (or confuses) your partner.

Explore the internet, check out what some porn stars are doing, read — or even better, listen — to some erotic stories or audio. 

2. Write it down.

Make a list of dirty words that you do like and words that you do not like.

When it comes down to your type of dirty talk, you’re the only person that can actually determine what you like, and what preferences you have. So, create a list of the dirty words that you do and do not like, words that do turn you on, and do turn you off, and be ready to share that list with a partner.

3. Practice.

Practice, Practice, Practice. In the mirror, into your phone, wherever your heart desires.

I have always found that practicing — whether a speech or a toast at a wedding or dirty talk that I want to use in bed, practicing in the mirror, hearing myself say it out loud, especially if you are a male person listening to this and you want to dirty talk from a dominant perspective, well, listen, if you want to be dominant in the bedroom, you’ve got to practice your dominant voice.

Go ahead and give it a try! There are different ways to use your voices too; speak slower than usual, try deeper, whisper, maybe even the breath of your voice, change your melody, maybe speaking in a monotone. This is a great way to find out what feels good and natural for you.

4. Establish some rules.

Establish an ROE, Rules Of Engagement.

Basically, your ROE should include what subjects are kosher, what subjects can not be spoken about or do you not enjoy thinking about, the words that you don’t enjoy using or being called and when and how you are going to dirty talk.

For example – Dick pics. Oh, wow! They have a bad rep – but when used appropriately, they can be amazing! Just make sure you communicate with your partner on when you want to receive dirty text messages, and how. (For example, you might not want to invite a hard-on at work, and that’s totally fair, my dudes.)

I recommend the Signal App, which offers end-to-end encryption – because then when you see the dirty text message show up, you know that’s going to be a sexy message.

Choose to look at it later when the timing is appropriate. 

Setting these boundaries up in advance can prevent some negative consequences from happening — like getting a titty text when your boss is sitting across from you. Yikes.

The Dirty Talk Formula

webcam woman

Okay, here’s the moment we have all been waiting for, the dirty talk formula for newbs.

Step One – Describe what’s happening.

Literally, describe what is happening; “I love it when you suck my cock like that”, “I am kissing you on your nipple”. Play around with your partner’s body parts.

This should be fairly easy because all you have to do is describe what’s already happening.

And if you’ve made your list of words and you know the words that your partner wants you to use, all you have to do is call upon those and describe exactly what’s happening in that moment.

Step Two – Describe how it feels

“I like it when you pull down my panties with your mouth”, or “touch me more near my penis”, or whatever your dirty talk phrase may be.

Talk about what is happening in terms of what feels good. Don’t forget to be descriptive!

Step Three – Describe a shared sex story

Describe a shared sexual encounter that you’ve already had that you knew was mutually pleasurable. Or how I like to call it, when it got ‘hot and heavy’.

This can be from years ago, or it could even be from the day before. It doesn’t matter! 

“Hey, remember that time that we had intense sex at the…” “Oh my God, it was so hot when you had an orgasm when…” “Oh, do you remember that great place we had sex by the…”.

This is a safe bet and a lot of people will welcome the reminder of a great sexual encounter that you’ve already shared.

Step Four – Add some sound effects

And finally – don’t limit dirty talk to just words and narration, because dirty talk can also very easily include sounds, grunts, moans, noises. Start off soft and slow, maybe add in a breath here or there. No need to go full porn star on them, but definitely experiment with some sexy sounds.

Addressing the Dirty Talk Faux-Pas

couple laughing together in bed

If you are new to dirty talking, then there is a high chance that there will be some awkward moments when trying it out. 

Rest assured that, if you say something that makes your partner uncomfortable, and totally ruins the mood, simply apologize, take responsibility, maybe even take a break and then get back to it if both of you are consenting and still interested.

Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. It’s okay!

Now, if your partner pulls out an awkward line, just address it right away and give them the chance to apologize. Then, hop back into it.

Time to test your dirty talking skills! And trust me. As a sex therapist, dirty talking in the bedroom will add an additional benefit to you and your partner’s sex life. 

What’s your burning s.ex question that needs to get answered for you to have better sex? Apply for coaching, because life’s too short to fumble through sub-par, soggy, awkward sex. Click here to apply. 

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