We’re all on a quest to have more sex. We stock up on lube and sex toys, make sure we smell nice, and try to be as attractive to the opposite sex as possible.
But there’s one HIGHLY overlooked aspect of great sex you maybe have never considered before.
It’s your bedroom!
If you want an active, bangin’ super hot love life, you need to make sure you have a protected space set aside that’s just for sex. But so many people fail to set up their bedrooms for sex-cess! Here’s how to turn your bedroom into a place where you and your partner can relax and enjoy sex.
How your bedroom can help or hurt lovemaking
As human beings, we are affected by our senses. Our bedrooms are a sensory experience. The sheets against your skin, the scent of dirty laundry in the room, the aesthetics of the colors of the walls and furniture. All these things lead to a sensory experience.
Your sensory experience could include clutter and dirt and distractions, or it could include comforting elements that relax you and help you slip more easily into your sexual self.
Think about it: our bedrooms are the space in which we make and give love! Our bedrooms are where we roll around naked, where we connect most deeply with our bodies, and where we share intimacy with our partner. In this setting, we are encouraged to connect to our sense of sight, smell, touch, and taste.
Why Your Bedroom Is Not a Great Place for Sex Right Now
Many people’s bedrooms are not set up for sex.
Think about your bedroom right now. If you’re like most people, you’re thinking of a pile of laundry, an errant sock, some dust or dirt in the corner you’ve been meaning to vacuum for weeks, a television that lulls you to sleep, phone charging cables, a messy work desk with a pile of tax documents and sticky notes, children jumping on the bed in their bare feet, and a cat shaking the kitty litter off her paws.
All these things contribute to stress.
No matter how crazy your life is or how cramped your house is, I PROMISE – there’s a way to turn your bedroom from a chaotic Grand Central Station to a sacred space that nourishes your sex life.
The One Place a Couple Has That is Just for Them
What’s so special about the bedroom? It’s the ONE safe place couples have all to themselves.
Many couples who have children and pets haven’t had the opportunity to set up their bedrooms so it’s just for them. It’s life! Maybe you live in a small apartment where your bedroom is also your living room and it’s also where you fold your laundry and where you read and watch TV — but the more you do in this space, the less special and exclusive and INTIMATE it is to your sex life.
It might take a little bit of work to create a special place just for sex. You might be thinking “Crap, we have the dogs in bed with us, the kids come in during all hours of the night, and my office desk is in there too – making me think about my next big deadline or presentation.”
Listen – if you want your sex life to exist in a better place, it might take a little bit of protecting and guarding. Think of it not as protecting a separate room – think of it as protecting your sex life.
How to take your bedroom to the sexy next level
Clear out clutter
Do you feel like getting it on when there’s a pile of laundry on the bed and so much crap on the floor that you have to forge a foot path through the clutter just to pee in the night?
According to Psychology Today, “clutter bombards our minds with excessive stimuli (visual, olfactory, and tactile) causing our senses to work overtime on stimuli that aren’t necessary or important. Clutter makes it more difficult to relax, both physically and mentally.”
The ability to relax and cast aside anxiety are so essential in having a good sex life. (And better sleep, for that matter.)
De-cluttering can go a long way in reducing stress, which in turn, can help your manage premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. As soon as we get out of our heads and into our bodies, we are able to connect with our sexual selves and regain confidence. When we’re surrounded by clutter that stresses us out, it’s way more difficult to relax and have good sex.
Keep electronics and screens out of the bedroom
So many of us are exhausted after a full day at work that we spend time watching Netflix and don’t get to the “chill” part.
How much of your day do you fill with distraction? How many hours do you spend scrolling your social media feeds?
How many of those hours could be had connecting with your partner? How many of those hours could you be playing with her breasts or enjoying a blow job?
According to Nielsen, “American adults spend 11 hours per day watching, reading, listening to or simply interacting with media.”
Just owning a television set is associated with a 6% reduction in the likelihood of having sex during the previous week.” That’s a conservative estimate, especially since all too many couples keep electronics in their bedrooms – glaring them in the face.
Look – you should be having sex in bed. Not scrolling Facebook and watching Bojack Horseman from your perch of pillows and cushions.
Banish your TV and cellphones from the bedroom forever. Under no circumstances should you be checking email, scrolling facebook, or watching television from bed. Banish these activities to other areas of the house and your sex life will be better for it.
Can’t exactly banish your TV from the bedroom because you live in a tiny space? No problem! When you’re not using it, put a blanket over the television so it’s not glaring at you all day and night, luring you into its technicolor charms.
Re-decorate or slap on a fresh coat of paint
Nothing inspires you to keep clutter out and keep a space clean more than slapping on a fresh coat of paint. It’s a great way to change the WHOLE vibe just by painting an accent wall. Choose a color that makes you feel inspired or rejuvenated, and let it redefine your space.
If you’re committed to turning your bedroom into an orgasm haven, bring sensual elements into the bedroom. Think: luxurious textures, lovely smells, and calming noises to transform your space.
Make a list of items that will make your bedroom luxurious, and the next time you have some spending money, add those elements.
Balance out masculine and feminine elements
Balancing masculine and feminine qualities in your space helps your bedroom achieve a sense of wholeness and balance that we don’t usually get in our everyday lives. This is an opportunity to create the environment that supports not just sexuality, but sensuality as well.
Balancing masculine and feminine elements is the meaning behind “yin and yang” – which can help you achieve balance and comfort in your bedroom. Masculine elements – think hard lines and dark colors – can make your room feel invigorating, powerful, supportive, and resolved. Feminine qualities – soft colors, puffy textures, and flowery details – can make a room feel nurturing and comforting.
Balance these masculine and feminine qualities so that BOTH people in the relationship can feel at home in this room.
Balancing these elements is so important because achieving this balance in your space can help you feel free to “just be” .
The bed is for sleeping and sex ONLY!
Seriously, the bedroom is not for work. In fact, you should stop working entirely in the evening hours, or whenever it is that you typically have sex. The only thing you should be working is that TONGUE, know what I’m saying?
As I mentioned before, stress is associated with erectile dysfunction, so leaving work at the office (instead of in your bed) may work wonders in allowing you to relax in the space where you’re supposed to be having sex (and not balancing that spreadsheet).
Ditch the overhead lighting for mood lighting
Lighting is one of the most overlooked aspects of any room. SO many of those overhead lights are NOT flattering. They are NOT sexy. If you want to create a bedroom that’s conducive to sex, you need some soft, indirect lighting.
(Has it ever occurred to you that your partner wants the lights turned off because the lights themselves are freaking horrible? What if you got softer lighting?)
Your bedroom is the ONE place where you can strut around naked and feel AMAZING doing it. This means your bedroom should not be over-lit like a 7Eleven.
Harsh overhead lighting is linked to headaches, fatigue, irritability, and stress, which are NOT the vibes we need when we’re trying to get in the mood for sex. Don’t light your bedroom like a corporate office cubicle – light it like a bumpin’ sex haven of STEAM and MYSTERY.
Lighting matters. Make sure you turn that awful overhead light off and instead illuminate the room with lamps that are eye-level or lower.
You don’t have to break the bank to achieve sexy lighting. Just think about turning a lightbulb toward the wall, grabbing a lamp from your local consignment shop, or lighting some candles to set the mood.
Creating a Better Sex Life Through Simple Lifestyle Changes
Are you looking for the secrets to an amazing sex life with the confidence that makes it easy to pleasure her all night long? Be sure to check out my newest Masterclass, She Comes Too – all about how to become the best lover she’s EVER had, from foreplay to oral, to anal, to those special erogenous zones, to mastering the glow of aftercare.