Today I am FIRED UP!
I saw a video published by an online dating coach for men. This “relationship expert” was giving advice to men about how to make women think about you NON. STOP.
This video did pretty well for this coach’s channel, and it got me thinking. “This must be a subject that a lot of guys want to know about!” so I clicked on it, I watched it, and
The advice was SO BAD!
It was B-A-D and it made me A LITTLE UPSET. Because you deserve better than that. Men, women, gender-non-conforming folks — EVERYONE deserves better than the dating advice that was shared.
Don’t Play Mind Games!
This relationship coach said that “In order for her to think about you nonstop, you have to play aloof, hard to get, and act unavailable. He EVEN said that you sometimes need to disappear and not respond to messages or texts.
Why would this person make such a video?
Why would someone like you watch a video like that?
I think it’s because you’re thinking about that dream girl! You met somebody, you have a crush on her, and you want to plant the seed in her mind that the two of you should be together.
I get that.
In fact, I get that a lot! I spend a lot of time thinking about how to capture YOUR attention on YouTube, and how to get YOU to think about ME a lot! I’m here to get you to think about me so you can have a better sex life though — it’s not just because I want you to think about me. ;D ;D ;D
For me, my core values as a person and as a coach are:
These are my core values. And tricking somebody … playing mind games to get them to snag that first date? NOT pleasurable, NOT deep, NOT based in science, and NOT magical. (And NOT likely to end up as your girlfriend.)
That line of thinking does not jive with my way of thinking about the world of online dating. So I decided to make my own video and blog post explaining HOW TO ACTUALLY MAKE HER THINK ABOUT YOU NONSTOP WITHOUT PLAYING STUPID MIND GAMES!
How To Be SO Memorable That She Thinks About You Non-Stop
1. Listen to her when she talks, and later, show her that you listened.
This is stupid easy but many men and women forget about it and fail to be a good listener. When my husband and I started dating, we were long distance, and what surprised me the most is that we would have conversations that last four or five hours, and later, he would remember one little detail about something I said in that conversation.
It blew my freakin’ mind.
I always wondered, “How did he DO that? How did he listen to me SO clearly that he actually HEARD the words that I was saying and tapped in, remembered something about them and brought them up later in conversation?”
That would dazzle me and make me think about him, because it made me want to return the favor.
I also wanted HIM to know that I was thinking about HIM! And then I started listening to what HE was saying way more intently because I didn’t want to miss anything.
For example, I told him at one point that in high school, I had lost being prom queen by ONE point. A couple of weeks later, he made a comment about it, and it STILL gives me warm fuzzies to think that he remembered that much detail. STILL makes me tingle.
It made me realize that he was thinking about me on a level that wasn’t just surface or physical. He was actually listening to me when I spoke. It really matters, gentlemen! Listening is a very important thing, whether it’s just a fling or a serious relationship.
2. Be unpredictable!
Predictable, patterned behavior does not register as anything special. If you do the same thing all the time, her brain is going to file you under “Stuff That Doesn’t Change”. You’re not going to stand out, and you’re not going to stay on her mind.
If you want to stay on her mind, you have to shake it up a little bit.
For example, one time my husband and I were getting out of the elevator at our apartment after a rough week. We had just moved in together and it was a transition for both of us. As the elevator opened, he looked at me and said, “IT’S A RACE!” and then he sprinted down the hallway toward our apartment.
It was so unpredictable, I still remember it to this day. He made that moment extra special and extra exciting, and it taught me that unpredictability can happen at any time.
You could walk into a restaurant and say “I’m gonna take one of every taco on this menu” and she’ll never forget it because she wasn’t expecting it.
3. Don’t try to be everything to her.
You can’t be! This is an exercise in futility! You both will wind up hating yourself if you try to be every little thing to her. You can’t be confidant, best friend, coach, priest, mom, cousin, uncle, dog, cat, assistant, boss, secretary, biggest fan, toughest critic… you get my point.
A good rule of thumb: you can’t be everything to her, and you shouldn’t try to be. If you try to be everything to her, she’s not going to think of you as “one special thing”.
But at the same time, don’t try and act like you don’t care about her, which is what that other relationship coach’s nonsense advice was.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be a nice guy and great potential partner. You should be 100% honest with her and tell her that you’re interested in her, that you’re attracted to her, and that you want to be in a relationship with her. But that doesn’t mean you should try to be everything to her all at once. That will make you fail, overexert you, and she will not think about you all the time in a positive way. (Although she might think about you in a negative way, and that’s not what we’re going for here.)
4. Be awesome!
Have your own life, have your own hobbies and passions, hone your skills, love what you do, and be good at what you do.
Being your best self isn’t rocket science, but you’d think it was based on how few people actually achieve awesomeness. So just think: the things that make you awesome, you already kinda know! You should continue to pursue those as you’re pursuing her! If that means being great at cooking, than continue to whip up that tasty vodka sauce! Be awesome, and then women will have more sexual attraction for you.
5. Have Great Boundaries.
This goes along with not trying to be everything to her. You should have limitations on how you allow other people to treat you, which includes her and others. For example, I don’t have sleepovers on weeknights because I’m very serious about my job. So you can come and cuddle and we can have a good time, but then you’ll have to go home.
That’s a great boundary!
People that don’t have boundaries don’t stick out in anyone’s mind except for “Oh I bet I could totally take advantage of that person because they don’t have good boundaries!” It’s a red flag.
Having good boundaries makes you memorable because it lets them know that you value yourself. And when you value yourself, you are someone of VALUE, and she picks up on that right away.
Name calling is a perfect example. I don’t know a lot of people that call me names. I don’t associate with people that call me names. That’s a really clear boundary for me. When I was hanging out with my husband early on when we were dating, and one of his friends was making fun of people and calling him names. I said, “You know what? I don’t do this, I don’t hang out with people that do name calling and I don’t allow people to call me names, that’s not how I proceed.”
At first it freaked out my hubby because he was like “Oh shoot, she’s not going to hang out with my friends anymore!” And then he got it and respected me so much more for it. Now, he had good boundaries too. He still hung out with that person and I was like “Thats cool, I’m not going to.”
Good! No hard feelings, we had a negotiation, we designed our relationship to make space for that. I no longer had to be around this guy that used language I didn’t like, and he didn’t feel like he was pressured to give up his friendship with that person he wanted to remain friends with.
Both of us holding our ground and having good boundaries early in our relationship helped us continue to want to be together.
And guess what? There were NO mind games involved.
6. Always leave them wanting more.
Leave at the right time. Do not stay until the bitter end, whether that’s on a date or at a party. Do not try to ride it out and fall under the mistake that “the longer you stay talking to this person, the better it gets”. If you’re the last person to leave the party, you didn’t somehow WIN the party.
At a reasonable stop time, go home! Don’t try to make the end of the date drag on forever unless both of you are really really really REALLY INTO IT!
Even THEN, I still think you should call it before you’re both exhausted or before you have to go to work the next day or before your eyes are closing and you can’t stay awake.
Always leave them wanting more. This is not a mind game. This is a strategy for how you interact with other people. There’s an important distinction there. I’m not saying you should choose to leave them wanting more as a way of tricking them or manipulating them into thinking about you. I’m saying you should leave them wanting more because it sets you up for your next date! If you burn them out, they’re not going to want to take it to the next level.
You’ll never catch me at the tail end of a party (or a date). Nothing good ever happens at the tail end of a party anyways! Everyone’s had too much to drink, they start having conversations they didn’t mean to have, they start to regret stuff…
Just leave before it gets to that point, especially early on in your relationship. Leave them with a little taste. Leave them with a little touch of hunger. ;)
7. Make sure your last interaction is a good one.
When you leave the party or date, make sure you end on a sweet spot. Human beings tend to remember the last thing they experience instead of the first. Make sure that the last interaction you have with that person is awesome. And if you’re going to follow tip #6 and always leave them wanting more, than you can choose to leave on a high note!
You can say “Wow, that was an amazing kiss, you are such a great kisser, I can not wait to kiss you again the next time that I see you, because I’ve gotta run, but thanks for everything.”
UNNFFF YESSS!!! This is a great way to build sexual tension until the next date.
8. Be Positive.
Unless you want her to remember you for how much you complained, BE POSITIVE! And help HER shift her mindset to be more positive! If she starts to complain, try to turn it around and make the situation more positive. People love being around positive people.
There is a huge lack of real, genuine positivity in the world today. Choose not to engage with gossip, name calling, in being negative, in complaining…
“But what if that crummy hostess at that crummy restaurant gave away our reservation?!” Let’s use this as an opportunity to explore the neighborhood and grab cheap tacos. (Today’s blog post is about tacos, by the way. I didn’t know that when I started writing this, but it’s tacos.) Let’s use this as an opportunity to get to know this neighborhood and each other, but let’s NOT use this as an opportunity to bitch and moan the entire time.
Turn everything into a positive experience and refuse to engage in negativity. If you are a delight and a treasure to be around because you are positive, she will want to develop an emotional connection with you! Trust me!
9. Make lasting memories by introducing risk.
Think back on all the amazing memories that stick out in your head — those moments where you can remember the tastes and smells and sounds and what everything was like in those moments. I guarantee you, they all included some amount of risk or even discomfort, whether that was physical risk or emotional risk.
Vulnerability (emotional risk) or taking big chances like going skydiving for the first time (physical risk) — you remember that sort of thing. To boost sexual attraction and even start long-term relationships, you need to make real life memories that last.
To make lasting memories, it helps if you have beautiful scenery, it helps if this is a unique or first time experience, but if there’s no risk, then it’s not very rewarding.
You’re not likely to remember the things that happen in your comfort zone.
Do something that feels a little dangerous together like rock climbing. Or go on a hike together! These activities are more likely to be memorable and will stay on her mind longer.
10. Be great in bed!
This goes without saying but I included it in this list regardless. BE GOOD IN BED!
The quality of your sexual relationship matters. Your sexual relationship impacts your intimacy and emotional connection… and impacts the strength of your relationship.
Sexual attraction matters. If you want to gain confidence between the sheets, last longer in bed, and regain control over when you come so you can pleasure her for hours, be sure to check out my Come When You Want Masterclass. I give you the EXACT steps you need to overcome premature ejaculation and become an amazing lover.
Learn everything you can about how to make a woman feel amazing, women’s anatomy, watch all the videos on my YouTube channel…do whatever you gotta do to become an amazing lover.
No one stays on your mind better than that guy that used his tongue to make you see God yesterday. YOU REMEMBER THAT GUY. You know what I’m talking about, too because you’ve had those amazing sexual experiences when you go to work the next day and you literally can’t stop thinking about last night and you’re at work texting her saying “Do you REMEMBER LAST NIGHT because that shit was AMAZING” and she’s like “yeah I remember – I keep biting my lip all through this meeting thinking about it.”
That is GUARANTEED the best way to stay on her mind for a long LONG time. She will not be able to stop thinking about you, she will keep having sexual thoughts about you, and maybe she’ll even send you some naughty pictures. ;D
Integrity & Honesty is Memorable (And Wicked Sexy)
These ten tips are how to get a woman to think about you non stop. Don’t lie, don’t play mind games, don’t pretend to be busier than you actually are, don’t purposely ignore her texts or wait three days to text her back or wait 48 hours or be aloof about making plans with her, NONSENSE.
You have integrity, you are honest, you do things that are pleasurable, deep, scientifically based, and magical.
If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. It should not be pleasurable to lie and be dishonest to people.
If you feel like you keep striking out again and again and you just can’t get a relationship started, then drop me a line. I have helped thousands of men throughout the years overcome their relationship issues and achieve the sex life of their dreams. Book your free discovery call with me today by clicking here.