How to Kiss So She Wants to Go to Bed With You

man and woman about to have their first kiss

Kissing! Smooching! Lockin’ Lips. The official gateway drug to getting between the sheets.

Sure, you’ve already made some contact. You hugged at the beginning of the date. Maybe you placed your hand on the small of her back as she walked through the door of the restaurant… Perhaps you went Victorian with it and your hands happened to brush against each other during conversation.

Whatever contact you’ve had so far, it’s all leading up to this moment.

You make eye contact and you’re sure you see that little twinkle. Is she thinking what you’re thinking?

This moment is crucial. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s MAKE or BREAK. For a woman, the first kiss is the first little taste of what you’re like in bed. And you better believe she’s sizing you up.

Today, I’m gonna guide you through how to kiss in a way that leaves her wanting way more.

How to kiss so she knows you're good in bed

The science of kissing

There’s some pretty wild stuff that happens in our brains when we kiss. Our lips are one of the most sensitive parts of our bodies, and when they’re stimulated the RIGHT way, our brain releases a cocktail of three chemicals that make us feel a natural high.

Here are the hormones that start raging the second we kiss:

Dopamine

This heavy hitter lights up the same parts of your brain as heroin or cocaine. It makes you feel euphoric. So if you’re an amazing kissing partner, you can leave her addicted to your kiss.

Oxytocin

Known as the “love hormone”. If your romantic kissing sesh is going well, this hormone fosters feelings of affection and attachment. 

Serotonin

This hormone fosters a general sense of happiness and well-being. Who doesn’t want that?!

For a woman, the first kiss with a new partner is a huge DECISION POINT. It’s the moment she decides whether she wants to get naked with you, or stop answering your texts until she fades into the ether.

But before I get into what you SHOULD be doing, I want to run through some immediate disqualifiers — the telltale marks of a bad kisser.

Woman rejecting a mans kiss becuase of his bad oral hygiene.

Two major first kiss mistakes

When you’re going in for a kiss with a new partner, play it safe and read their body language.

Don’t kiss like a hamster.

When kissing someone for the first time: avoid biting her bottom lip, chewing, or gnawing… If a hamster would do it, you probably shouldn’t. No one wants to make out with a hamster. 

Don’t grope.

Stay away from groping or as your great aunt might put it, heavy petting. This is a first kiss! She is sussing you out and still deciding, based on the kiss, if she wants to take it further. So easy, partner. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Save the squeezing for later, when you’re sure she wants it. 

Now that we’ve gone over some don’ts, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Here are my tips and tricks for getting her weak in the knees with that sweet, sweet kiss.

Man and woman's lips touching before a kiss.

3 Steps: How to be a Good Kisser (No, GREAT Kisser)

Want to be the best kisser she’s ever had? Follow these steps.

1. Consent! (Make sure she actually WANTS to kiss you.)

You want to kiss her? You want to make sure she wants to kiss you, too? Here’s a wild idea… JUST ASK!

Let’s be clear. There are totally times when the moment is just right. She’s looking down at your lips. She moves in closer to initiate… You’re both on the same wavelength and the kiss just happens. And that’s great!

But many times, there’s a bit of uncertainty! You’re looking at her, trying to read her signals. Feeling your stomach do flips in hopes that she’s on the same page… And that’s okay! These are the situations where it NEVER hurts to just… ask.

Here’s the deal: being considerate and mindful of a woman’s boundaries and desires is HOT. SEXY. A SMOULDERING DISPLAY OF CONFIDENCE. No two ways about it.

So how exactly do you tell a woman you’d like to kiss her?

Easy.

“Can I kiss you?”

“I’d love to kiss you right now.”

“It is my authentic desire to kiss you right now” – This one’s for the poets out there.

PRO TIP: Ask her exactly how she wants her kissing served.

If you’re feeling really bold, you can ask her exactly how she wants to be kissed. Light tongue? Heavy? Deep and sensual? French kissing maybe? This is an advanced move.

And if you’re thinking about asking for that kiss but you’re worried by the awkward chance that she may say no? I guarantee you this: Shoving your face into hers and having her dodge it is waaaay more uncomfortable than hearing “no” or “not right now, thanks”.

Woman admiring mans clean beard.

2. Hygiene: Check for bad breath.

If you don’t think your oral hygiene needs an upgrade, go floss your teeth and smell the floss after to check for bad breath. You will be appalled, but you will also thank me. So go brush your teeth before you open your mouth for that sexy tongue kiss.

You have a beard? Oil it. Brush it. Show it some love. 

Do you take care of your lips? Chapstick goes a long way. Considering that super garlicky dish at dinner? Maybe take a pass. 

She comes too masterclass

Taking care of yourself is sexy, and it’ll boost your confidence as well. Because oral and physical health relate to sexual health. Besides. You’re worth it. 

3. Don’t Kiss Sloppy: use technique.

All that’s left is to wow her with your technique

I’ve broken it down into four secrets for truly orgasmic kissing: 

1 – RHYTHM 

2 – PACING 

3 – INTENSITY 

4 – BUILD UP 

These are all things you’d want to master in the sack, right? Well these are also things you want to nail during kissing as well. There are a lot of parallels between good kissing and good sex.

First of all, be mindful of what she’s doing. Let her take the lead and reciprocate accordingly. What’s her rhythm like? Is she kissing with tongue? If she’s going for a light touch to the tip of your tongue, chances are she doesn’t want you to thrust yours down her throat.

Pay attention to what works for HER. I guarantee she’ll find it hot. 

A hand gently placed on her waist? Hot. 

A soft caress of her jawline? Uh-huh.

Tenderly brushing her hair out of her face? I’m getting wet. 

Squeezing her ass like you’re trying to milk it? I’d think twice. 

Again, it’s all about showing her that you’re mindful of her boundaries and preferences. If you feel her getting a little more passionate and forceful in her movement, and that’s the direction you feel comfortable going in, then follow her lead! 

I’m not saying there’s a definitive right or wrong, I’m just saying that when you’re starting out, especially with someone new, it’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page by starting things slow and letting them build together. Whatever feels good for the both of you.

Woman and man nakedly running up the stairs into the bedroom.

Approach Your Next Kiss With Confidence.

I guarantee that if you approach your next kiss with confidence, consideration, and these tips in mind, you’ll have her feeling pretty great about what you have up your sleeve in the bedroom – and desperate to find out.

If you’re not feeling confident about your skills in the bedroom, that’s something we need to address. Because feeling confident in bed extends to being a good kisser. Think about it: if kissing leads to sex, and you know you’re a PRO at sex, she’ll pick up on that.

So if you’re feeling a little bit rusty in that department, or if you’re ready to level up your game, check out my female pleasure masterclass, She Comes Too.

In this class, I provide a detailed, step-by-step guide through seduction, foreplay, intercourse, and aftercare. It includes tips and techniques on sex positions, oral sex, manual sex, and of course, how to guarantee orgasm. Check it out here.

Check out Caitlin V’s new Relationship tool to deepen intimacy and connection.