How to Become A Dominant Force in the Bedroom (& Why It Drives Women Wild)

I’m going to tell you a story in two parts.

One time when I was “gettin’ it on”, my partner reached into a bedside drawer and grabbed a whip. It had a long, black plastic handle and several rubbery, stringy, whips at the end. What happened next I will never forget for the rest of my life.

But you’ll have to read to the end of the blog article to find out what that is!

Hang tight, because THIS blog article is all about how to be DOMINANT.

And this is a PERFECT example of how someone dominates: they tease. They tantalize. They take control.

Welcome to Mistress Caitlin’s School of Dominance, Puppies!


Discover the wild and wonderful world of Sub-Dom bedroom play.

Why would you, as someone who loves women, want to be dominant? 

couple in a rapturous kiss

Dominance is one of the most praised traits in a male sexual partner. 

It’s one of the most sought-after traits in men. For us women, it is surprisingly arousing to be with a man that displays dominance in the bedroom.

It’s hot! 

It’s primal. It will turn your woman into putty in your hands. It will make her breathless. (Did I mention women love when men are dominant in the bedroom? Is it hot in here?)

You can leverage your dominance to work with premature ejaculation.

If you struggle with premature ejaculation, you can actually use dominance to structure a sexual event in your favor. You can use dominance to maintain control of the situation.

But here’s the most important part, and why dominance is SO sexy to women.

Dominance means you’re taking 100% responsibility for her wellbeing. 

If you’re not ready to take 100% responsibility for her wellbeing, you’re not ready to be dominant in bed. This is literally the ONLY requirement.

She has to know that she can trust you 100%, and I’m going to tell you how to do that.

Why is this so hot?

As women, this allows us to get out of our thinking brains and into our bodies. While it’s true that our brains are our largest sex organs, it’s ALSO true that our brains are often our body’s largest ANTI-sex organ.

I can talk myself out of ANYTHING. I can straight up talk myself out of an orgasm while I’m having it. Our brains can chatter away and get in the way of sexual pleasure. When you are being dominant, you’re taking away our need to think. You’re taking away our need to think about “What am I doing next” “How am I going to do it”, “Does that feel good?”, “Did I change out the kitty litter?”  

You’re taking charge. You’re taking control of the situation and total responsibility for your partner so that her brain can turn off, and everything else can turn ON.

And I’m talking about all the way primally, gutturally, wild woman all the way ON.

How Can You Achieve Dominance in the Bedroom? 

Isn’t dominance just for the alpha males? Isn’t dominance just for the gorillas? For the Chads of the world?

I say nay! You need not be a Chad in order to be dominant in bed.

In order to get that wild woman screaming orgasms with eyes rolling to the back of her head and drool coming out of her mouth, YOU DON’T need to be an alpha to make that happen. You don’t even need to be CONFIDENT in order to be dominant!

Guys, dominance is a skill. You can learn it.

How to Become Sexually Dominant

couple doing BDSM play

I’m going to give you only a very surface-level amount of information on how to be physically and psychologically dominant. If you want MORE, check out my course She Comes Too because I’ve included an entire bonus training on how to be dominant in bed. But for now, I wanted to give you a little taste. 

Know that there are two types of dominance: physical and psychological. 

Physical dominance means to use your physical strength to restrain, choke, spank, or whip. 

There’s a right and wrong way to do this. You can actually INJURE her if you do this the wrong way, so listen up guys in the back! Please, before you try any of this, perform additional research so you don’t end up hurting her.

If done wrong, this situation can become not only embarrassing, but it can do damage to your sex life, your relationship, and your reputation, so it’s very important that you get this right.

Psychological dominance is a little easier because you don’t need to be physically skilled at say, typing ropes or knowing how to do a blood choke versus an air choke. (And if you don’t know the difference, go look them up before you try them!) 

Psychological dominance includes things like command. Example: You telling her, “Take your clothes off.” “Get up against that wall.” It also includes language. Language you might not call your woman in a polite setting like, “slut”, “cum dumpster”, “slut bucket”, “whore”, “daddy’s little girl”, “pet”, “kitty”… you get the picture.

And finally, you can be dominant via role play. For example, you can role play a teacher and school girl. Or master and sex slave. The world gets SO broad when we get into psychological dominance. We can’t even begin to scratch the surface today.

But how do you make dominance come off as authentic? Here are the two skills you need to master.

The Two Skills You Need to Master To Become Dominant in Bed

couple lounging on couch

The First Skill in Dominance: Confidence 

I said one minute ago that you don’t have to be confident in order to be dominant. This is still true. You can FAKE it until you make it.

Here’s how you fake it.

Figure out what you are going to do in advance, and practice it by yourself in the mirror.

Your voice will change when you say “Take off your clothes.”

Your voice should be deep, low, resonant. If you try saying that for the first time when she’s standing half naked in front of you, and you’re a little nervous, it’s going to come off as a high-pitched squeaky, and insecure. Which is clearly what you don’t want.

Practice, practice, practice!

Practice it when you’re driving, when you’re alone in the elevator, when you’re brushing your teeth, practice it in the shower. Practice it when you’re masturbating!


If you practice it, you don’t have to fake confidence, because you’re already confident in your ability to deliver the commands of dominance.

The Second Skill in Dominance: Creativity

Bet you weren’t expecting this one, were you?

You see, being kinky, playing taboo, and being dominant is not only about owning toys or being great at spanking. Dominance is really about being creative. 

So how do you get creative when it comes to dominance?

Plan first! Plan out the whole scene, INCLUDING commands, before you’re even with your lover.

So when you practice in the mirror, plan it out! “I’m going to tell her to take off her clothes and leave them on the floor. I will then tell her to kneel down. Next, I’ll tell her to open her mouth. Then I’ll tell her to walk over to the wall, put her hands up against it, and not let them fall.” Etc etc.

The more time you can give to planning, the more prepared you’ll be and the more creative you can get.

Something Important to Remember: The Power of Rewards

Hot BDSM couple with whip

You’re not being dominant because you want to take power away from your partner. You’re not being a total douche canoe and just telling her what to do. You’re going to reward her the whole time. Each command that she does successfully, you’re going to whisper in her ear, “You make daddy so happy, you slutty little girl.” You’re going to fill her up emotionally, letting her know that you’re there to make her happy.  

This is how you get her brain to relax. She’s going to wonder, “Is this alright? Is he liking this? Is this going well? Should I like that he called me that word?” 

Continue to reinforce for her that she’s doing well, that this is hot, that you’re enjoying it. This way, you’ll continue to give an exchange of energy and power that’s going in both directions. You continue to let her know that you’re taking 100% responsibility for her wellbeing so she can relax.

The moment you’ve all been waiting for: what happened with that whip?

And now, the epic conclusion to my aforementioned whip story!

Instead of taking out the whip and well, whipping me with it (which is what I imagined my partner was going to do), he took the long plastic bit and put it in my mouth like a gag.

That, my friends, is epic creativity. You have all of the tools at your disposal already. It’s just a matter of getting creative about how you use them.

Practicing with dominance is a great way for you and your partner to play around with creativity and bring some zing into the bedroom.

Make Sure She Comes Too

If you want more of where that came from (and I know you do!) you’ll have to check out my new masterclass, She Comes Too! It includes amazing bonus materials such as how to be dominant, how to use sex toys as your personal toolbox, how to make her squirt, amazing anal, and not to mention the actual course itself it all about how to be an amazing lover to women. 

What Do You Want to Learn More About?

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