Masturbation is a healthy and wonderful part of everyone’s sex life… But how do you know if you’re masturbating too much? And even more worrying — could your masturbation habits have a negative impact on your sex life?
The truth is, only you can decide that. Sexually, we are all special little snowflakes… no two of us are the same, and we all have our own needs and libidos.
However, there are some telltale signs that could signal that masturbation has become a problem. In this article, we’ll address whether you need to reassess your masturbation habits, and where to start.
Masturbation Addiction is Real.
Masturbation addiction is a real thing that can have serious, negative impacts on your relationship to yourself, others, and sex in general.
It’s normal to get a little carried away in our teenage years. Sneaking off after dinner to jerk off to a poster on your bedroom wall is a right of passage. However, it’s essential to develop a healthy relationship with self-pleasure as we get older.
5 Signs to Tell If You Masturbate Too Much
If you’re worried about the frequency of your masturbation habits, consider if any of these below sound like you.
1. Consider how you emotionally feel after self-pleasure.
How does busting a load make you feel?
This is a great place to start when breaking down your relationship to self-pleasure.
If you give yourself a tug and are left feeling satisfied and happy, then you’re on the right track.
But if you feel guilt, shame, or down on yourself after you masturbate, this may mean that deep down, you either have a negative relationship to how you masturbate, how frequently you masturbate, or what you masturbate to.
When you feel these emotions, it may be tempting to brush them off and move on to the next thing.
Instead, try sitting with them. It’s uncomfortable, but like all things worthwhile, becoming your best most empowered sexual self takes work. Feel your emotions with a sense of curiosity. Take a good look inward and try to figure out what these feelings are rooted in. The first step to the solution is identifying the problem.
2. Masturbation is all you can think about.
If you’re at work, at the grocery store, at your cousin’s birthday party, and all you can think about is rushing away to rub one out? Then you may have a problem.
Any time your thoughts about masturbation become intrusive, it’s a good time to reevaluate your self love repertoire.
It’s also a good idea to ask yourself WHY you’re masturbating.
Masturbation is a great way to get in tune with your body, learn about what you like, and even can be used as really effective practice for partnered sex, see my course Come When You Want for proof.
But if you’re masturbating as a form of stress relief, or you feel a compulsive urge to bang one out, then you might have developed an unhealthy dependency.
3. Masturbation is taking up a lot of your time and energy.
Orgasms take it out of you! Yes they’re amazing, but if you’re having too many of them by yourself, you’re probably going to end up feeling beat.
There are a lot of benefits to semen retention, including more confidence and self-control, less anxiety and depression, increased motivation, and even better memory and concentration.
So if you’re feeling exhausted or like you can’t focus… it might be because you’re masturbating too often.
Not to mention excessive masturbation can leave your genitals sore and raw.
If your penis is feeling irritated, it might be time to give it a rest.
4. You’re spending more than you can afford on pornography (or other masturbation-related expenses)
If you’re breaking the bank in order to wank, you may have a problem.
If you’re spending more than you can realistically afford on pornography and other masturbation related expenses? It’s a clear sign that you’re not in control.
Go through your bank statements and tally it up.
Take a look at that final number and decide for yourself if you feel that it’s appropriate… if you have even a twinge of guilt at the sum? You should probably take a step back and take a closer look at your relationship to self-pleasure.
Besides being financially irresponsible, if you’re spending more than you want to on erotic aids, it may breed guilt and shame.
And there’s no room for shame when it comes to self-pleasure.
5. Your masturbation habits are affecting you socially.
Are you turning down opportunities and missing out on spending time with people in favor of staying home and jerking off?
Do you feel like you want to find a sexual partner but don’t have the energy or motivation to do something about it?
Your masturbation habits may be stopping you from finding the woman of your dreams, and may be getting in the way of the colorful, fulfilling sex life you actually want.
You might even be feeling like you don’t really care about dating or having sex with other people… If you’re excessively masturbating, maybe you feel like you have yourself covered.
The thing is though, sex is about so much more than just blowing your load. It’s an amazing opportunity to give and receive pleasure, to connect with another person and with yourself.
How to End an Unhealthy Masturbation Habit
If you have identified one or more signs that this is an issue for you, fear not. There are plenty of ways to work toward finding a healthy balance.
No matter how much you’re currently masturbating, you ABSOLUTELY have it in you to become your best, most empowered sexual self. The incredible sex life of your dreams is within reach. Here’s how:
1. Taper off.
Start by slowly reducing the frequency that you masturbate. Finding a replacement activity is crucial if you’re struggling with excessive masturbation.
Next time your hand starts to twitch? You can get sexual energy out by going for a walk, doing anything physical or mentally stimulating. Sometimes even just leaving your room is enough to curb the urge.
2. Have an accountability partner.
It’s okay to ask for help!
I know men who have had great success with an accountability partner. Go to someone you trust and tell them you’re trying to stop masturbating so frequently. If you don’t want to disclose what you’re working on, you can even just tell them you’re trying to change a habit and leave it at that!
Tell them you’ll pay them ten bucks every time you break your word, and then stick to it. Or write a sizeable check to a cause you hate, like the baby seal clubbers association, then tell them to send it if you break your commitment. That extra motivation might be just what you need.
3. Censor yourself.
If it gets really bad, especially with porn, you might want to enforce some restrictions on your credit cards or computer.
Cancel your porn subscriptions or cancel the credit cards connected to porn sites… it may sound extreme, but your sexual health will thank you.
You can put parental restrictions on your internet. If you don’t trust yourself, have your friend create the password and promise not to tell you.
You’ve Got Options When It Comes to Fighting Masturbation Addiction.
The bottom line is, no matter how severe your problem is, you’ve got options and you have it in you to make a positive change.
Whether it’s reshaping and improving your relationship to masturbation, or just generally leveling up toward the best, most authentic and incredible version of your sexual self there is, I am here to support you in reaching your goals. Click here to learn more about sex coaching with me so you can get the support you need to achieve a healthy, amazing sex life.