You experienced the intense, miraculous, sci-fi experience of watching your child come into the world, and now you have a new family member in the house.
And through the haze of sleep deprivation, all that’s running through your head is the fear: “will my sex life ever be the same?”
Whether you just had a baby or your kids are 10 years old, if you follow these steps, your wife will enjoy sex even more than she did before baby.
How Long After Childbirth Can You Have Sex?
Obstetricians and gynecologists suggest taking a hiatus from penetrative sex for 4-6 weeks after giving birth to give her body time to heal.
Think about it: your woman’s body just went to the Olympics, and depending on how things went, she maybe even had major abdominal surgery.
Female bodies are incredibly strong, and after about 6-8 weeks, she’ll probably be all healed up, but that doesn’t mean she’s ready to have sex yet.
Between all the spit up on her shoulder, the diapers, having a baby latch onto her nipples six times a day, not having brushed her hair in two weeks, and not being able to get more than three hours of sleep at a time, she might have no interest in sex.
But if you follow these steps correctly, you will actually help your woman:
- Feel beautiful
- Feel powerful
- Boost her mood
- Appreciate you more than ever
- Get in the mood for sex on a regular basis, and
- Strengthen your relationship
That’s why this very first step I’m about to show you is going to be the most important step of all.
How to Get Her In the Mood For Sex After Pregnancy
It might take some time to resume sex after birth, but a healthy, positive sex drive after baby is possible. Here’s how:
STEP 1: Make her feel beautiful.
Right now, she feels like a washed up bag. She feels a million years old. She feels exhausted. How is she supposed to switch over to feeling like a foxy sex kitten when there’s baby puke on her shirt?
That’s where you come in. Tell her she’s beautiful! Remind her that she’s still sexy. Seriously, tell her this every single day, multiple times a day.
Some ways to make her feel beautiful:
- Say “Ever since you became a mother, you’re so much sexier to me.”
- “ You are more beautiful than ever, you know that?”
- “I am so lucky to have such a beautiful woman in my life.”
- “You look so GOOOOOD.”
STEP 2: Make her feel physically amazing.
You might feel physically deprived these days, but I promise you, your wife feels physically crowded.
She has a baby latching onto her boobs each day, and her boobs are sore and painful.
So, instead of going straight for penetration, introduce physical intimacy in the weeks after childbirth… in a way that prioritizes her pleasure.
What do I mean by this?
- Give her a back massage, complete with warming massage oils with a hint of lavender or frankincense, to help her destress.
- Draw her a nice warm bath and allow her to rest while you take care of the baby
- Rub her feet while you’re watching TV
- Pay for — and book her — a yoga class or spa day.
By making her feel physically amazing, she will feel more like herself faster, feel supported by YOU, and literally consider you her hero! Which will make her feel just about 100% more affectionate toward you.
STEP 3: Encourage her to practice Kegels!
These can help her regain strength, sensation, and sensitivity in her vagina so she can enjoy sex.
STEP 4: Start slow
Your goal at first should be physical intimacy without expecting penis-in-vagina sex.
Go down on her — provide her with soft, gentle licks and kisses on her vulva until she comes.
Encourage mutual masturbation, where you both watch each other pleasure yourselves… this way she can touch herself in a way that feels amazing for her but you BOTH get off.
Stimulate her clit with your fingers while kissing her neck and start gently fingering her. In other words: treat her body gently and introduce sex slowly.
STEP 5: prioritize foreplay.
It doesn’t matter how much foreplay she did or did not need before having a baby — she will certainly need foreplay now. Ideally, you’ll spend 20 – 40 minutes on foreplay to bring her from “baby puke mama brain” to “sexy sex kitten brain”.
Rub her all over, kiss her erogenous areas, go down on her, stimulate her clit, WARM HER UP.
Sex will be pleasurable for her if her vagina is wet, supple, and open before you even consider sliding yourself inside her.
In fact, if you’re not sure how to master foreplay, check out my course She Comes Too, which will teach you exactly how to wow her with amazing foreplay techniques, bring her to orgasm every single time, and become the best lover she’s ever had.
In fact, I want you to get the point where she’s BEGGING you to have sex with her… make her really want you.
STEP 6: Lube, glorious lube!
Lube is your new best friend.
Your lady is going through some hormonal changes after having a baby, my dudes, which means her vagina isn’t going to get very wet for a while.
No problem — grab some lube — put it on your fingers and penis and dildo before play time, and your dick will slide right in… and she’ll be LOST in pleasure instead of fighting the dry vagina resistance.
STEP 7: Discover different times of day to have sex.
Before baby, you might have fallen into a “sex before bed” or “sex in the morning” routine, but listen — you’re going to have to be more creative now.
Here’s a challenge: initiate sex in times you’ve never initiated sex before. Like:
- Right after saturday morning breakfast.
- Lunch break
- After her afternoon nap
- In the car when you just pulled into the driveway and the baby is sleeping
Get creative! It will save your sex life and enliven your relationship.
Dare I say you might even feel like a teenager again … which brings me to my next point.
STEP 8: master the quickie.
Right now you might not have the luxury of 2-hour sex benders, which is totally fine. (Those will come back when you’re ready for a babysitter or grandma watching baby.)
But I was recently talking to a friend with 3 kids about how her sex life changed after having babies, and she laughed and said, “you really master the quickie.”
Kid just fell asleep? SEX.
Older sibling feeding baby with a bottle? GET IT ON.
Baby is perfectly content and cooing during tummy time? TIME FOR SOME LOVIN’.
STEP 9: Make time for sex.
This is the step where you might experience the MOST resistance, and here’s why.
You will probably say, “sex is supposed to be SPONTANEOUS.”
Look dudes — would you like to have sex anytime within the next year?
If so, you have to PRIORITIZE sex. You have to make sex important. Which means yes- – you have to consciously, purposefully make time for it.
Literally put it on your calendar… make a plan with your wife. Send the baby to grandma’s for one night a week so you can have some adult time. Your relationship — and mental health — need this.
STEP 10: Know that you’re not always going to be in the mood (but initiate sex anyways.)
Sex is one of those things … the more you have it, the more you want it.
And look – you don’t have to be in the mood in order to have amazing sex.
Try to initiate sex whether you feel like it or not, and I promise you, you both will feel better afterwards.
Better Sex After Baby
Dads, I have seen it with my own eyes — when the men I work with follow these tips, they often say their sex life is even better after kids. One of my clients even said, “my only regret is I wish I knew some of these tips BEFORE having kids because now I finally feel like I’m the lover my wife needed all along.”