According to one study, 47 percent of women cuddle their dogs more than they cuddle their spouse.
So if you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Why do the dogs get more quality time than me?” You, my friend, are not alone.
I am sex and relationship coach Caitlin V and today we will answer the age-old question: Why DO the dogs get more love than you, and how can you change that so you get AT LEAST as much love as the dogs… if not more! (No sloppy wet kisses required.)
If you’re not a dog owner, you’re probably wondering, “Why are we talking about this? Whose dog is getting all of the love? Why are people in long term relationships finding that they’re not getting as much love as the dog?”
Dogs have a VERY cherished place in people’s hearts. Dogs are family members. But one of the most common complaints I hear from men, especially married men, is that the DOGS get more affection than they do!
Their wives are cold and uninterested in intimacy. But when the DOGGO comes in, he gets a warm, loving reaction. When she comes home, she LAVISHES kisses on the dog and loves them and pets them and baby talks them and grabs their face and then barely glances toward her husband and says “oh hey.”
If this is your relationship, it’s a sign.
It’s a sign that it’s time to do something DIFFERENT to boost relationship satisfaction.
How to Have a Better Relationship, According to Decades of Research and Relationship Experts
The good news: here are SCIENTIFICALLY BACKED ways to foster a healthy relationship between humans, like giving emotional support, having five positive interactions for every one negative interaction, being happy when we see each other, honoring each other and expressing gratitude every day… and all of these come PRETTY naturally to dogs.
In fact, dogs give us all of that and THEN some, without asking for anything in return. I think that’s part of the core reason why the fur babies get so much love.
The first step to changing this dynamic in your romantic relationship is understanding what you yourself are doing to cause that dynamic.
So by understanding the patterns of behavior of support and love that man’s best friend provides us, we can understand what WE need to do in order to receive that same level of physical touch, openness, and attention from our partners.
How to Improve Your True Love: Relationship Advice from Fido
Be excited to see her (and greet her) when she comes home.
You don’t need to go ape-shit like the dogs do. But the next time she walks through that door, you should get up from what you’re doing, give her a kiss and a smile, and hug her long enough for her body to relax into yours.
Guys, this is so important.
This is an oxytocin-releasing hug that DECREASES cortisol, the stress hormone. This is VERY important for allowing her body to get out of “fight or flight” mode, helps her relax after a stressful time at work, and even makes it easier for her to get aroused later. It reminds her that you are a safe and loving space in a world that’s full of crazy drivers, rude strangers, traffic, annoying coworkers, etc. etc. Be the safe space she comes home to every day.
Bring happiness wherever you go!
Dogs light up a room! Their excitement is infectious! I know I get SUPER excited when I see a happy dog who is smiling ear to floppy ear. I can just tell it wants me to pet it! These dogs bring happiness and joy! Dogs are never negative, right? They’re never downtrodden or in a bad mood. For the most part, the dogs that we universally love are happy, in a good mood, and JOYFUL!
How much joy do you bring into the room with you? How much happiness do you bring? Do you light people up? Are people excited to see you and are you excited to see them? Changing just this ONE aspect to how you’re approaching your relationship — with your body language and facial expressions — can have a massive impact on the way she receives you and the way she responds toward you.
See the best in your partner.
There are so many great sayings about how dogs SEE us. “Be the person your dog thinks you are.”
Dogs love us unconditionally. They see the best in us. They remind us that we are good, worthy people underneath it all, no matter what we’ve done, no matter the mean things we’ve said, whether we snapped at our boss or coworker or child…. Dogs love us regardless.
Can you bring that empathy into your relationship? Can you bring that unconditional love? Can you see the very best in your partner and believe in the best of them?
OR do you constantly complain and build resentment and have disagreements and irritations?
Dogs tell us we’re okay exactly as we are. Be more like dogs.
Be honest with your partner.
Dogs don’t lie. They can’t! When they are feeling shame, they wear it on their face. When they’re joyful, we can tell. How often do we avoid eye contact or try to hide our large and small issues from our partners, whether it’s because we fear being judged or worry about our partner’s perspective?
Anytime there is inauthenticity and dishonesty between two people – women in particular really pick up on that. We can sense that something isn’t right with you and it makes us want to shut off the physical and emotional bond.
Take a lesson from dogs. They are HONEST about their feelings. They are straight up and straight forward and it’s to their benefit because it lets us know that we can trust them because they can’t hide things from us.
This is related to being honest, but it’s SO important I had to make TWO bullets about this. Dogs don’t betray us. They’ve never done anything (other than maybe eat our favorite shoe) to let us know that we can’t trust them. The only route to a good relationship is to earn your partner’s trust.
If you say you’re going to be somewhere, be somewhere. If you say you’re going to do something, do it! Don’t commit to stuff you don’t intend to do just to make her go away. If you’re going to fix it, FIX IT! Follow through on a regular basis.
If she can’t trust you to pick up the kids from school when you say you’re going to, how can she trust you with her body, with her emotions, with her spiritual wellbeing? Little things degrade trust, guys. Take her seriously.
Give without expectation of receiving.
This one is perhaps the most important of all. Dogs give without ANY expectation of receiving. Dogs give and give and give and give and GIVE! They give us snuggles, they give us joy, they protect us, they give us their attention, their loyalty, they GIVE! And they don’t ask for anything in return except some kibble and a couple of scratches behind the ears.
(And who doesn’t love a couple good scratches behind the ears?)
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have any boundaries and just give and give and give until there’s nothing left for yourself. BUT, I do think it’s vital for you to consider: where are you giving with expectation of getting something in return?
If you find yourself over and over giving and HOPING, and giving but SCOREKEEPING, “I did this for you, now you do this for me” … that’s not cool. Consider where you can give more to your partner, even if it’s just being more giving and present with your attention. Maybe you become more giving in bed!
Guess what guys? Dogs do the opposite of that. They give without expectation because they love us.
Love her with all you’ve got, and don’t keep score.
The Role Her Dog Plays In Her Life
I’ve had so many clients say to me at one point or another that the dogs get more love than them. It’s almost comical. But one time I had a client who was really concerned that his wife had no more love left to give him (because she was giving it all to the puppers!).
So we dove in. We studied it: how were the dogs receiving love? And why?
We discussed the role that dogs played in her life. Her dogs represented certainty, consistency… they were always there and never asked for anything in return.
When we studied this, we realized that when he was approaching the relationship, he was consistently coming from a place of neediness. He was being demanding, even whiny. He was like “WHY won’t you have sex with me? PLEASE have sex with me! Don’t I DESERVE for you to have sex with me? Look at all the STUFF I did!”
When we started applying these same lessons – these same steps that I just outlined – how to be appreciative of your partner, have integrity, be trustworthy, stay honest, and be excited to see her and greet her at the door – once we started implementing these, his relationship with his wife started changing.
And by the time we were done working together, the dogs were no longer sleeping between them in bed! The doggies stayed where they were supposed to be – on their dog bed while the happy couple snuggled between the sheets without interruption. (Aw yeah!)
Shout out to all the great dogs I know, and even bigger shout out to all the great husbands I know. Don’t give up, guys, you deserve snuggles too!
Sex Coaching For a Better Sex Life
For years, I have helped men become better lovers and achieve more satisfying relationships and sex lives. Whether you’re dealing with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or just having the same fight about sex over and over again, I’m here to help. Apply to work with me today by clicking here.