Almost 60% of men and a THIRD of women share a common fantasy but hardly anyone ever talks about it.
I have some theories on why that is. But in this blog article, I’m going to share with you how to engage in this highly common fantasy to make your sex life better. I’m also going to tell you who this fantasy is not for and who shouldn’t try to make this fantasy into a reality.
What fantasy could I be talking about?
Welcome to cuckolding day. Because the idea of watching your wife get all wet and hot with another man just makes you so aroused.
Believe it or not, this fantasy can improve your sex life AND your relationship.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m about to take a cuckolding fantasy and turn it into a life lesson to make sex better.
What is a cuckold fantasy?
A cuckold fantasy is the idea of your romantic partner – usually a wife or girlfriend – having sex with another man, often in front of you, while you watch.
Why is cuckolding such a common fantasy?
Based on the numbers, there’s a high chance you’re at least a little into cuckolding. Why is this so common?
It reinforces the idea that your partner is sexually desirable.
Cuckolding supports the idea that other men want your woman – that she’s sexually vivacious and alive! It’s also just fun to watch your woman be sexual.
Bringing in another person can help revive sex in a long-term relationship, and can go a long way to add excitement and spice.
It’s incredibly taboo.
Especially in our society, which is very heterosexual and very monogamous, having another man in the bedroom and breaking the rules of monogamy is taboo and kinky in all the delicious ways.
The power dynamic can be a turn on.
It’s also kinky in the sense that there’s a power dynamic at play (or there certainly can be). You can be the helpless man whose wife is having sex with another man, OR you can be the powerful director who tells them exactly how to do it.
Voyeurism is hot.
Watching two people have sex is hot! It also shares similarities with group sex – there are multiple people in the room engaged in sex acts.
So, if you’re aroused by group sex but you’re not ready for an all-out orgy, or if you’re aroused by voyeurism and want to watch your wife make a real live porno show just for you, cuckolding might be the answer.
Women can have ferocious sexual appetites.
Many women have big, intense libidos. In a cuckolding situation, women can be unleashed! It can take multiple men to please one woman!
Remember: women can have multiple orgasms. If she can go and go and go and go, and outlast several men, sometimes enlisting the help of another man to please your woman is exactly what the doctor ordered.
Why the Cuckolding Fantasy isn’t shameful or wrong
If some feelings come up as you’re reading this and you think “oh my god I’m kind of into that but I shouldn’t be because it’s wrong and bad and dirty.”
Suspend that for a moment. Take a deep breath.
Fantasies and not inherently shameful, bad, or wrong. They’re just fantasies! There’s nothing inherently moral or immoral about having sex with other people – as long as they’re consenting adults.
If you’re having some feelings about this, that’s perfectly okay. Borrow my confidence if you don’t have it for yourself. This is not dirty, shameful, bad or wrong. This is very common thing and it’s okay for you to want to explore it.
And it’s also okay if you don’t want to explore it! That’s perfectly okay too.
Even if you never turn this into a reality, you can STILL use this fantasy to make your sex life better.
Let’s Talk About Making This Juicy Fantasy Real
So how do you make a cuckolding fantasy into reality? Listen up.
Make sure that both you and your partner want to explore this fantasy. If it’s a turn off for her, it’s probably not going to end up being much of a turn on for you because a turned off partner is not a great lover.
After you know that you’re both into the idea of cuckolding, you now get to enter into the rich and wonderful world of fantasizing about it before you bring another person into the bedroom.
You can fantasize about this in a couple different ways.
First, you can talk about it outside of a sexual context. For example, ask questions like “is that something you’d be interested in doing? What would be hot about that for you? What would you want to see happen?”
You can talk about it INSIDE of a sexual context as well. It can be a part of your dirty talk. During a sexual encounter, you could whisper in her ear, “Imagine that you’re with another man right now and I’m watching you from across the room.”
Or “Imagine that the feel of my body against yours is actually that hot guy we saw from across the bar earlier.”
“Imagine that I’m actually over there while he’s having his way with you.”
See if that feels arousing to both of you! If it does, I highly recommend you take that fantasy a step further by bringing in a sex toy.
The sex toy can take the place of the other man. You could be across the room watching her play with herself with a sex toy, imagining or speaking out the fantasy that there’s another man there with her.
All of these will help you determine whether or not cuckolding is ACTUALLY for you. As you’re exploring this fantasy, it might be really hot, but you might realize you don’t ACTUALLY want to see her have sex with another man. And that’s perfectly fine. That’s the purpose of a fantasy.
Don’t forget that the fantasy itself can be super-hot! The fantasy itself might actually improve the sex you’re already having by introducing this fictional third party.
After the waters have been tested and you both have done some internal work to make sure cuckolding works for you – it’s time to PLAN.
Plan and set boundaries.
Planning begins with discussing your boundaries. What do you absolutely not want to see happen? Maybe you don’t want to watch her have anal sex with him. That means that anal sex is off the table. That’s a boundary for you. Great!
Maybe you don’t want to watch him choke her. You don’t want to watch him get rough with her and that includes choking. Cool, that’s a boundary.
Another example of a great boundary might be that they only have sex with a condom and only while you are there in the room. If for any reason you need to leave the room, the action stops.
She might also have some boundaries, like she might not want him to do specific things, or she might not want you to do specific things. She gets to ask for those too.
Find the guest star.
Consider whether you want to bring in someone you already know. You can approach a friend or a single guy that you know and ask him, OR you can ask someone you don’t know, who you don’t have an ongoing relationship with. Maybe you’ll cuckold with them a couple times, but the relationship will not develop beyond that.
If that’s the case, I highly recommend you go to a website such as Fetlife, or look for someone who you already know is interested in playing the guest star in your relationship.
Of course, picking up a stud at the bar can be fun! (It might be something I’ve done myself!) but you’ll have to be really clear with that person what the expectations are.
She might say to him “hey, I want to take you home and have sex with you while my husband watches.” This gives him the opportunity to give that a thumbs up or thumbs down. He’ll probably want to meet you both first, which is a GOOD sign. The three of you need to communicate.
Remember: this guy also gets to have boundaries! You have to ask him what those are and respect those as well.
And finally, all three of you should agree on a safe word. I like the words “yellow” and “red”. “Yellow” means that things are getting too close to the edge of my comfort zone and we need to pull back a little bit. Caution! “Red” means full stop! Everybody stop! Let’s put our clothes back on, process, and talk about what our next steps are going to be.
Don’t forget aftercare.
When all is said and done, what does everybody need? Maybe she wants cuddles from both men, maybe the three of you are going to hang out and talk about what was awesome about it!
I highly recommend hanging out afterward and talking about what was awesome. What was hot? What was your favorite part? This helps prevent our brains from going into shame and terror mode and thinking “omg I can’t believe I just did that, I broke my marriage vows, etc etc” whatever your panic brain is telling you.
Remember they’re just thoughts. They’re not true. All of your feelings are valid, but not all of your thoughts are true. By having a conversation about what went well and what we really liked, we can anchor in our brains “that was fun, that was pleasurable, we enjoyed it.”
Finally, check in with everybody after a couple of days! Maybe in a group text! Check in with the bull, make sure he’s still feeling good and satisfied, check in with your wife, and check in with yourself. Make sure that everybody is still pleased and satisfied, and see if you want to rearrange it again.
Some Common Questions About Cuckolding
What if I change my mind in the middle of the scene and I want to stop?
That’s why we have the safe word – so anyone can stop the action at any time. With a safe word, everyone can put their clothes back on and get back together in a way that feels healthy and safe.
If you follow this guidance, that shouldn’t have to happen, but understand that it’s okay if it does.
What if my wife develops feelings for the other guy?
This is a common fear. It’s not unreasonable. This is another reason why we set boundaries and plan around communication. Maybe a boundary is “this guy is only going to be a guest star in our bedroom for one night and we’re not going to communicate with him at all after that.”
I promise you, if something does happen, it’s not because of that guy. It’s because the two of you were not in a solid relationship before you entered into this fantasy.
What if introducing the cuckold makes things worse in our relationship?
Before you act on a cuckolding fantasy – and before you bring anyone else into the bedroom – the two of you need to be in a super stable, healthy, non-toxic relationship.
Cuckolding is not right for everyone.
There are some people whom cuckolding is not right for. These are people who are:
- Anxiously attached in their relationship
- Deal with a lot of relationship insecurity
- Are not good at planning or thinking about the details
- And are looking for another person to fix their relationship, not merely to add to their relationship.
If this describes you, you have some work to do before you can bring another person into the bedroom.
Explore What You Both Like Together
Cuckolding can be hot and fun! Whether you ever bring someone else into the bedroom or not, there’s no reason you can’t use this fantasy TONIGHT to make your sex life hotter. I encourage you to try, especially if you’re one of those 6 out of 10 men or 1 out of 3 women who is into it.
And of course, if you’re looking to be the best lover she’s ever had, be sure to check out my new Masterclass, She Comes Too. We dive into exactly how to pleasure your woman through the powerful skills of foreplay, intercourse, aftercare, and much more. Bring her to her knees by clicking this link!